teaching – Page 3

yes no, maybe so

Posted on February 22, 2018February 22, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision’

-Tony Robbins

when the details on the surface are wiped away…what is left?

There are times in our life when we have to make a decision. We find ourselves standing at a crossroads with options in front of us. A typical crossroads would determine that we would have three options or choices. Picture driving up to an actual intersection of roads. It’s best to think of west. The desert, tumbleweed, cacti, cactuses? Both are accepted. This setting just feels more serene and secluded. And it’s just cool. No one is there to witness your decision. It is just you and this place and the road you choose. You can take a left, go straight, or take a right…3 choices. Maybe a good way to use this analogy would be to match up each choice of road with an answer to the question, ‘should I do this?’ Of course ‘this’ can fit whatever situation you may have in your life. With 3 choices of roads, road 1 is YES! Road 2 is NO! Road 3 is OTHER or MAYBE SO.

Road 1

I think whenever we are asking ourselves ‘should I do this’, it’s usually because we already have a hunch that we want to do it. ‘Go with your gut’, ‘follow your instincts’, ‘lead with your heart’, are all phrases that tell us we already know the answer. Yes is the answer. We know what we’d like to do, and deep down we know what we desire. However, before we commit ourselves to road 1, we are faced with obstacles like fear and insecurity that will ostensibly reveal that this decision was a bad choice. That’s terrible and very sad. I think everyone needs more of road 1 in their life. Be more of a ‘yes man’, and stop turning everything down. Embrace change and moving forward. Covet growth and the learning process, especially when you find yourself on the edge of comfort. Many of us talk about our passions and what we truly want to be doing. We describe it to others. We visualize it in vivid detail. We think about how it will all play out in the future. But then we don’t act. This is why some psychologists have found that we shouldn’t actually talk about our goals. By speaking about them, and receiving feedback from others, we actually feel a sense of accomplishment and we lose the passion, the edge, the motivation we once had. This has happened to me many times. It’s hard because we want to share our passion with others. We want to bounce ideas. Maybe we should just share the tip of the iceberg…or bounce one small ball to someone. Don’t spill it before acting on it. When is the best time to start acting on your passions? Right now. Immediately. The clock is ticking.

‘Do what you want’ sounds negative and detached but if I teach and use effective language, I can help Matilda hold onto ‘acting on her desires’. It’s really the same thing. When we’re young, it’s natural for us. But much like creativity, we tend to lose it along the road

Road 2

Being a ‘yes man’ and taking road 1 on your decisions can bring you places you never dreamed of. However, there are often times when we have to say ‘no’. Maybe you’re just done spending time with a certain person…maybe your schedule is full…maybe you’re just wiped out from being the challenges of parenting. All these are totally justifiable. I’ve learned that ‘no’ doesn’t have to be negative. If we communicate to others our feelings and/or reasons along with our ‘no’, we should be comfortable and content in our position to turn something down. Withing my business, I now notice myself saying ‘no’ more often. I always try to say ‘yes’ and take road 1 when people have requests. But for a variety of reasons, sometimes I turn things down. In the past, I felt guilty or insecure about this. But that doesn’t hold any weight. I tell myself that if I can’t commit wholeheartedly to this decision, it won’t work out for either party. Therefore, taking Road 2 can be understood as the best decision for all involved. Road 2 shouldn’t be as worn and trodden as road 1, but don’t be afraid to lay new tracks when warranted.

Road 3

Sometimes we can’t commit to a yes or no right now. We aren’t ready to. I actually use road 3 often. I’m not so great at deciding on things right away. I like to ruminate on the idea for a while…sleep on it in a sense. I have come to realize that spontaneity is powerful and rewarding, and have started implementing that more in my day to day. However, on some big decisions, I still hold value in deliberate consideration, weighing pros and cons over time and as I think of them, and documenting thoughts in a journal, before making a final choice. While mulling over an idea for a couple of days, an important variable will often arise that easily determines the outcome for me. It’s like a subtle, ‘did you consider this?’ And I will know right then and there whether it’s road 1 or 2 that I’m taking. Road 3 seems to be a loop around that brings you back to the same intersection later on. It allows some soul searching, some road tripping, and a few pit stops to get your bearings and reassess your current location/situation.

Maybe you have to let some time pass before you become close with that special someone. Perhaps you’re waiting for them to work something out on their end.

You may need to save some money up, or line up your budget differently first.

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and need to put a decision on the back burner until you feel more centered.

What would you choose? I go with something different every visit

Whatever it may be, we all have reasons to take road 3 at certain crossroads. As I spoke of in the Road 2 section…be confident and content with your choice to wait on the decision. It’s not a ‘non-decision’…it’s a decision to wait, and lock in to something when you are totally ready to do so. With the quick pace of our lives, I’m often telling Matilda, ‘let’s go, make a decision quickly!’ But I try to catch myself…thinking, ‘wait…she can have all the time she wants to make a decision’ (within reason!). I believe it will strengthen the ground she stands on, and empower her ability to make wise and timely decisions for the rest of her life.

Be aware of your surroundings when you come to a crossroads. Simply pay attention to your emotions and the physical changes taking place. Take a breath before accelerating down the next road. Remember, each and every even small decision will set your life onto a different path…possibly a different plane. So choose wisely! I wish you the best in your decision making!

Music: Kaleo is a band that started in Iceland. That might contribute to their unique sound. I often forget about them for a while, and then hear them on the radio. The sound is always intriguing…and since I don’t own any of their music, I always go home and put on some of their live stuff. Matilda and I caught them live at the Newburyport Riverfront Music Festival last year. They rock! Give this song a listen!

always be closing

Posted on February 21, 2018February 21, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘thoughts are great…but action leads to closing’

A.B.C.

I must admit it…my house is a mess! And…I just cleaned up that area. How does it already look like a storm hit it?

I have to confess…I’ve started a thousand projects around here, and about 999 of them still seem ‘under construction’.

I should accept it. I have a problem. Actually many, but I’ll start with this one and see if I can find closure with it.

I peg myself as really good at coming up with ideas. I have journals and sheets and post it notes collected with a bunch of random ideas. These can be related to business, the house, relationships, professional development, investments, blah blah blah. Most of my ideas are bad. However, I believe that while coming up with many poor ideas…and documenting them…I’m bound to come up with a good one here and there. It’s almost like I come up with 99 bad ideas for every one diamond in the rough. It’s a low shooting percentage but hey, if you don’t shoot you can’t score.

I do feel strongly about documenting by the way. If you don’t put your thoughts and ideas and goals down on paper, or somewhere digitally, they’ll just float around in your head, and possible float out of your head for good. Once you put them somewhere, you can make space in your head for developing that idea or adding interest to it…or coming up with another one. Find yourself a cool journal, even a good expensive one. It’s investing in your own brain/goals/ideas. And it will encourage you to put good use to it, and hold value in your own beliefs.

So I’m good with all that stuff. My interests are many. I’m quick to jump into things and just try something. I love learning anything new. However…I’m not good with following the practice of the phrase, ‘Always Be Closing’. This phrase is from the 1992 drama film called Glengarry Glen Ross, in which the character played by Alec Baldwin encourages some of the other characters to close deals within their sales work. Watch out for bad language, but here is a great clip from the movie. Look…it’s a very shallow message in regards to simply making more money above all else, and disregarding things like being a good dad, or being kind. However, it struck a chord with me in how it can relate to the idea of completing something. And this is what I have trouble with. As I said, I can start a bunch of projects. But I never seem to finish many of them.

This weekend, I had a task that I wanted to complete. The ramps in my landscape trailer have to be lifted in and mounted to the inside walls for transportation. Well, I’ve always had this crap system of a cheap eye-hook and bungee chords to hold them in place. Boring I know…bear with me. This system has bothered me for about 5 years. I can’t believe that! I’ve spoken about it, wrote down ideas, sworn at it many times…but never really done anything about it. Well on Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I came up with a plan, went to the hardware store for materials, and put in a new ramp mounting system. It was actually pretty easy! On Sunday, I found myself putting all of my tools back in their proper place, sweeping up the garage floor of all debris, and wiping down my workbench with a cleaner and paper towels. I suddenly thought, ‘Oh my…I’ve actually completed something, and I’m in the very final stage of cleaning up the mess associated with it. I never do this!’ I’m telling you…it felt so good. I immediately thought about ‘Always Be Closing’, and the benefits related to that. I thought about Casey Neistat, and how he has those words tattooed on his arm. He actually dedicated an entire Vlog to this idea. Watch it here!

Neistat says that if you start a bunch of things and don’t finish them, you’re a loser. That’s me…how sad. Someone who starts something and always finishes it is a closer. That’s not me. My new focus is to become more of a closer. I must bring my ideas to fruition…see them through to their fullest potential. I’m on it. By closing, and completing something, we are able to reap the rewards related to our project. After dealing with annoyance of the ramp system in my trailer for 5 years, and halfheartedly poking at it here and there with temporary repairs, no wonder I felt so good about putting smart and hard work to it and having it completed.

Closing leads to you feeling much more productive.

Closing frees up space in your head for other, more important ideas.

Closing encourages intellect and hard work over complaining and hoping.

Closing leads to more appreciation instead of expectation.

Don’t be a loser…be a closer!

Organization

A.B.C. totally relates to keeping our lives organized too. This is an area that I struggle with, and one that I’ll be putting some more focus into. When you come home…with a bunch of things in your hands…maybe a bag or two…and pockets full of receipts and change and hair clips (for some reason, I always find myself here)…do you put everything away in it’s designated spot? What I usually do is pile it onto my dining room table. It’s flat, easy to access, and I won’t need the table until about 5:30pm. That’s not closing. That’s losing! The worst is when I’ve put together a nice dinner and I go to bring plates to the table for Matilda and I, to find my loser pile in the way. Worst!

I do have all of the designated places for things. I have a file cabinet with nicely labeled folders, a piggy bank in the living room, a cup in the bathroom for Matilda’s hair clips. I just don’t follow that step of putting things directly into their proper place. And this is key. If you hired someone to come ‘organize your house’ or your life, a main thread would be to immediately place things into their position. Put them in their home. Look at your computer desk, your kitchen counters, the desktop on your computer…even your email inbox. Are you organized? I’ve started trying to get to a totally empty email inbox as often as possible. This entails creating simple folders, unsubscribing from all of the crap, deleting as soon as possible, and once a day, taking care of pertinent messages. It relieves so much stress for me to have a clean slate. But I need to work on the more ‘physical’ areas of my life…and organize those. I want to finish more projects on my to do list…not just start them. I don’t want to be a loser anymore…I want to be a closer! Please comment if you’ve found effective ways of ‘closing’ in your own life.

thoughts are great…but action leads to closing!

Music: Blind Pilot is an Oregon based band. They use interesting instruments like a mountain dulcimer, vibraphone, and a harmonium. Here’s a great one called New York.

If you like what you’ve read, please use the ‘follow by email’ bar below. I appreciate you reading!

en-tre-pre-neur

Posted on February 18, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

originally published on 5/12/17

‘the most dangerous thing you can do in life is play it safe’ – Casey Neistat

Sit down. Don’t talk. Raise your hand. Stay in line. Don’t be late. Quiet down. Put that away. Share. Read this. Watch that. You can eat now. Play like this. Don’t speak out. Settle down. Be prepared.

This is what our kids are told…time and time again. What must become slowly and steadily ingrained is the idea that they should all conform, follow the crowd, learn how everyone else does, choose a career, spend a lot of money to study within that field with a college education, find a company to work for, and work…so that you can afford things like a car and a house and a latte…then, they will be successful.

Are we introducing and exposing our children to enough entrepreneurial ideas to truly let them know about other options they may have? At Concord High School, I can remember one single unit within I believe an Economics class. Mr. Denoncourt worked so hard with us to help us pronounce the word en-tre-pre-neur. I said it wrong until college. I don’t remember a single thing from that unit we studied however…but I’m sure it was thorough in explaining the option for citizens to…yippee! start your own business! You could make and sell cookies with your mom, or you could design a t-shirt, and sell it out of the trunk of your car. I’m sure the text book detailed some of the easier fields to enter as a business starter, like construction, landscaping, or dog walking. I’m sure one of the bolded subject headings was ‘be your own boss’, and we probably discussed as a class the pros and cons to running your own company. Mr Denoncourt was genuine in his efforts, I am sure. But all I remember is äntrəprəˈnər.

Considering the loyalty once involved in working for a company, and the lack of commitment and loyalty in present times, we owe it to our kids to expose them to more. One unit is not enough. I’m sure there was more within my high school curriculum and I just missed it…I was in a fog most of the time. But I know there wasn’t enough.

Years ago, one could be very secure in choosing a company to work for, sticking with that job for many years, and then retiring with a good sized pension to ride off into the sunset with. It is not the same today. It’s predicted that our youngest workers will hold around 12-15 jobs in their lifetime. It’s also commonly noted that the average worker will make 5-7 career changes during there career. It is simply a very different workplace.

Speak out. Hustle. Grind. Don’t sleep. Find a loophole. Challenge authority. Follow your gut. The time is right now. Make your own line to stand in. You are creative. Develop grit. Ask more questions. Better questions. Come up with ideas. More than that. Start something now. Take the risk. Don’t seek comfort. Don’t listen to me. Do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it.

What if these were some ideas we showered our kids with? That’s it…I’m starting a school, and the paragraph above will serve as the uncommon core curriculum. The mission statement will have to be, ‘do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it’. When I step back and think, that phrase can simply define success like no other. Children and adults alike could find so much happiness and success by first searching, finding, discovering, and identifying their own passions and loves…and then working, playing, and living within those areas as much as possible. I’m not sure our schools, our communities, our parents, our culture is set up for that.

I want my daughter Matilda to know that there are many paths. And that she has many choices. She’ll be able to pronounce entrepreneur this year. I’m going to introduce her to my uncommon curriculum…though I might leave out the do whatever you want part for now. I’m still figuring this parenting thing out. She will though, be able to dream something up, take a risk, and even fail, knowing that she’ll have help to get up and find a different way.

In the short term, we’re starting a small farm stand called The Grower’s Daughter. Matilda is very excited about this. She’ll be selling some plants we started from seed, some breads that we made, cookies, vegetables and honey in the Fall, and whatever else comes to mind. The Grand Opening is tomorrow from 11-1pm at our house…so please stop by to say hello! I’m hoping that this new adventure will play a small part in helping her develop some skills, passion, and even some hustle.

Music: Here is a beautiful song called Cherry Wine by Hozier. It actually raised awareness and funds for domestic violence. Enjoy!

sandwiches and kids

Posted on January 22, 2018January 22, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

Jimmy 12

‘modeling good behavior has 10x the influence of all that talking, the kids are watching’

How do we make good behaviors stick with our children? I’ve been ‘head down’ focused on this a lot lately. I have a 4 year old. There are constantly new behaviors bubbling up…good and bad. I’m doing my best to be really aware…noticing what’s working, and what’s not on the parenting front.

Model. First and foremost, I’ll say that I continue to be amazed at how much my daughter notices my behavior…and how important it is for me to model the good stuff. All the research backs this up as well. Your child is watching what you do more than listening to what you say.

To me, it seems that modeling good behavior has 10x the influence of all that talking.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m communicating and explaining and clarifying all the time. It’s just that the old adage, ‘actions speak louder than words’ is the truth. We can’t tell our child to walk away from a fight if they watch us bump chests and instigate.

Honey over Vinegar. When we do talk, it’s so important to focus on our children’s strengths…not their weaknesses. All too often, parents are hounding on the mistakes, over-talking the accidents, and holding their child back from their full potential. For the most part, once an individual knows that a mistake was made, and the message to ‘try not to do that again’ is conveyed…all the extra, negative reinforcement is just that. Obviously, each situation is unique, and the severity of the behavior needs to be considered. For the everyday ‘small stuff’ though, keep the glass half full.

Focusing on the good behaviors, has such a refreshing and compounding effect. By taking the extra time to really look your child in the eyeballs, and tell them again how kind and caring that desired behavior was, you’ll continue to invite more of it.

Last week, my daughter exhibited some really good awareness and empathy surrounding a best friend that was having some trouble. She actually asked a separate friend to run and get something that would help the situation…then, they all figured it out together. I was so happy and proud about this, and almost couldn’t believe that my 4 year old constructed this. But instead of just thinking about this, or telling my peers, I’ve deliberately paused with Matilda, grabbed her attention, looked her in the eye, and explained how and why that was such a great thing for her to do. I’ve actually done it twice to really let her know that this is the good stuff.

Sandwiching. While focusing on the strengths and good behaviors, we can really make it stick by ‘sandwiching’ the experience with pre-teaching and reflection. Before our child is exposed to something, it’s good to get a bug in their ear first. This can give that little message that, ‘oh…dad told me that this might happen.’ It doesn’t necessarily mean that our child won’t make a mistake. In fact, we actually want them to make the mistake…it will help expedite the learning process and mitigate the effect of the ego. Yes! I used ‘expedite’ and ‘mitigate’ in the same sentence! So rewarding.

Our pre-teaching is also a trust-building practice, illustrating to our children that we do know a little something, and have been around the block a few times.

Now, this behavior that took place with my daughter wasn’t something that I necessarily could have planned for. I mean, I do talk about empathy and kindness with her, but the actual details of the event were too particular to pre-teach. I have to give myself some credit though, in that I have put effort into conversations surrounding helping others, and why that matters.

I think parents are too hard on themselves. I think they need to realize that they are much more than the sum of their parts.

With a more typical experience approaching in the future, parents can really hone in on the related behaviors.

If a best friend is coming over for a play date, we can relay the message to our child that the friend will want to use all of the toys. Sharing is going to come up. Let’s do that…huh?

Then, as we all know, our child will rip something from their besties’ innocent little paws. Crying and arguing may commence…and we should really do our best to let this play out…to see what kind of results are reached…to allow problems to be solved. This is the socialization that we’re hoping for. And boy, will these same issues come up more and more as they age. Let them work it out if possible! It’s ok if feelings get hurt…we learn a lot when we find ourselves in unwanted emotional states. Again, this is within reason.

Remember though, we have to use the ‘reflection’ piece after the experience takes place. This can’t be while your kid is on the tablet, or watching a show It can’t be during the actual argument that they just had with their friend either. This is best done after some time has passed, once the friend has gone home…or during a break in the action.

Eye contact is key. Deliberate, honest words presented with love and care. Not judgment and belittlement. Think support and education and growth…not placement and insults and punishment.

There can be an ‘I told you so’ aspect to this reflection piece, because you actually did tell them so in the pre-teaching phase…ugh, the nerve! As much as you may want to use this…don’t. The lesson will naturally come to them through your discussion of what transpired. This reflection can build trust as well, depending on how you handle it. Let it be positive, bucket filling, and hold good karma. It’s not measurable, and it may return in unforeseen manifestations…but boy, does it matter.

Remember, after all this talking to your kid about the practice of letting others use their stuff, your child will be 10x more influenced by how you yourself actually share and help others.

How are you doing with that?

All love!

Jimmy Thorpe

emailsig