Tag: writing

2022 in the books!

Posted on by jimmy thorpe

It’s the year’s end!

I’m so excited around this time of year. It’s full of closure and renewal…ups and downs. And as long as we can navigate that emotionally, we can accept the exposure, and learn a ton!

Speaking of learning…I found a bunch of good books in 2022 that I want to share with you, and I learned a lot from them. I suppose if I distilled down what I learn when I read, I could name it Perspective (possibly humility too though). Reading presents me with another point of view, broadening my scope and reminding me that the world isn’t just seen through my own eyes. In that sense, it also humbles me. I know that each person I talk to, knows more about something than me. Reading has encouraged me to do that.

As always, I try to keep up on posting my reading list on my website here. I want to sing the praises of a select few that I read this year. Hopefully you’ll find one to enjoy:

Less — by Andrew Sean Greer
Pulitzer prize winner right here! I think I read this book in a day or two, and was so pissed when it was over. It follows Arthur Less who is trying to avoid the inevitability of his own life. Sadly, I could relate. It was laugh-out-loud funny, but also seriously threaded through the challenges we all face. Arthur is a failing author, who is invited to the wedding of his ex. So he quickly attempts to set up a book tour to show that can’t possibly RSVP. It’s messy and relatable. Oh…and Pulitzer prizes aren’t just passed out lacklusterly.

City of Girls — by Elizabeth Gilbert
Set in the hustle of 1940s New York, Vivian is kicked out of college and is then sent to be with her Aunt who runs Lily Playhouse — a somewhat rundown theater. Vivian tells the story as an old woman in the last years of her life…looking back. It’s full of great characters, the lively theater world, and the romanticism of New York city. It’s beautiful.

The Signature of All Things — by Elizabeth Gilbert
After reading City of Girls and realizing Gilbert’s quality, I heard about this. Holy! This one feels more like her magnum opus. It’s grand, spanning, and worldly. Centered in 1800s Philadelphia where a titan, Henry Whitaker establishes his estate. The story follows his daughter Alma, who instills herself in the botanical world. It’s full of family expectations, lineage, love, and death. The full span of it. I laughed and cried with both of these Gilbert pieces.

*The Dutch House* (Audiobook!) — by Ann Patchett
The actual book would be just great to pick up and read. However, the audiobook (that I listened to for free in the Hoopla app…connected to your local library) is read by Tom Hanks! His familiar and comforting voice, along with his acting/reading credentials made it so very nice to listen to. I recommend the book however you can get it…but highly recommend the Hanks version of the audiobook. This story uses a house as the focal point for a family tale about a father that achieves incredible wealth through real estate, and then the paradox within the lives of his children. I love how it relates the character of a physical thing (in this case, a house and all of it’s details) and how that can affect us as people. Being a home-body myself I can totally relate, seeing how a home can become part of our identity and how we define ourselves. This story isn’t just homey and happy though. It’s got the full span of life’s challenges too, touching on all of the human condition.

Here are some nonfiction pieces that I loved:

Clear Seeing Place — by Brian Rutenberg
Brian is my favorite contemporary painter/artist. I met him at a showing in Cape Cod, and what a guy! On top of his amazing paintings, he has an informative YouTube channel in which he delivers studio visits to describe his work, and educate aspiring painters like myself. This book is a valuable collection of all of his wisdom. I loved it.

How to be an Artist — by Jerry Saltz
Staying on the theme of art, Jerry is the only art critic that I’ve found so far, that I would read and listen to. Instead of the typical hoity toity look-down-your-nose-at-me type of writing and critique…Saltz is blue-collar, humble, realistic, seriously knowledgeable, encouraging, and hilarious. In this book, he very directly details the simple path to becoming the artist that you keep wondering about.

The 5am Club and The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari — by Robin Sharma
Both of these books are considered ‘Self Help’, which I love. I think that genre gets a bad reputation but sheesh, call it ‘Personal Development’ if that helps you feel better. I respect the hell out of anyone that takes time to read a book that potentially motivates them, and introduces them to new ways of living. Both of Sharma’s books here do that. One of them is focused on mornings and the structure of our day, and the other reminds us of functional ways for us to live more like a monk in today’s world. The x-factor to both of these books though, is the format that Sharma used. In both works, he uses characters and a story-type narrative structure to more effectively illustrate the messages. Both of these books are awesome.

As always, you can check out my reading list and see anything else I’m up to (blog posts, podcast episodes, etc.) on my website by clicking here.

Keep in touch with me. Feel free to send me an email… or send me a comment on my Facebook page by clicking here.

Thank you so much for reading!

All the best,
Jimmy Thorpe

Select-a-Size

Posted on by jimmy thorpe

*This piece contains explicit language

 

He woke first in the cottage…the others still recuperating from yesterday’s movement and conversations.  He had an idea to go grab some donuts at the infamous bakery nearby, and he romanticized a moment in his mind about his child and her cousins devouring their chosen flavor, while his sisters thanked him and looked at him admirably.  Sometimes, he thought, you can get what you need from a moment simply by imagining it, and then consuming the accompanying emotions.

He decided not to go, and instead went to the small hallway bathroom to splash some cold water on the back of his neck and face.  Wiping away yesterday seemed logical…practical even.  And because he knew today would call for more demands, more love, more sacrifice and compromise, he understood the need for a fresh start.

Seagulls careened and cried over the cottage, and a young piping plover let out his first innocent and faint whistle.  It barely registered.  His feathered body neatly tucked and tufted.  The man then made his way to the large kitchen, open to windows and a slider that invited in a view of the ocean.  The sun hadn’t risen yet, but there was enough light for getting around effortlessly.  He found the coffee that one of his sisters brought…chose a dark, south-american blend, and placed the small plastic cup that the grounds were housed in, into the high-tech machine that miraculously pokes a perfect hole in the top and bottom of the cup, and then cleverly streams already heated water through.  He hated to see and process the brand name on the machine, and considered that it was too early for such commercial and consumer thought.  He was still somewhat pure at this time.  Still dis-infected.  And it’s best to prolong such exposure indefinitely.

But as he pulled the handle of the machine toward himself, closing the hood and housing, and creating a locking ‘snap’ sound, as well as the puncture wound to the cup…there it was…proud and inevitable:  Keurig.  ‘Fuck you,’ he thought.  Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, as he had been instructed in the latest self-improvement book he was reading.  You see, it’s tough when you take a thousand steps in what you think is the right direction, but then you realize that something so minute…something so very inconsequential…ironically has the ability to break you right back down to where you choose swears for the first spoken words of the day.  This man never cursed.  But this brown disposable cup, this shell of his body, this upcoming day, would sadly only get one shot…one walk through…before being consumed and disposed of…never thought of again.

Now…something was flashing.  A searing, bright green light illuminating 3 buttons, demanding a decision.  The man adjusted his glasses and reluctantly leaned forward to investigate.  He found that in order for this machine to create the ideal individualized caffeinated beverage yet, he’d need to select a size, by pushing one of the representative selections.  ‘Small, medium, or large,’ he thought as he took in the mini computerized illustrations of cups on each button.  But as his index finger approached a choice, and hovered back and forth over the flashing lights, he gave up.  It was too much, too early.   ‘Jesus’, he said…letting out his second curse word before 5am.  He lifted the handle on the machine, unlocking it and exposing the wounded cup.  From the hole seeped out a small waft of south American notes:  bright acidity, citrus, chocolate.  It reached his olfactory senses almost instantly…and that would have to be sufficient.  It was all he needed actually.  To be taken somewhere…elsewhere.

He turned, and his gaze reached across the kitchen, cut through the bay window, and met some small cresting waves…the tips seeking the newly arriving sunlight on the horizon.  The tide was coming in.  The man thought that going out to see that, and allowing himself to be part of that, would be much more significant and meaningful than anything else in the world.  It was the choice to make at this moment.  He slowly labored across the cold, sand covered tiles of the cottage floor, cracked open the glass slider releasing the pressure from both sides, and emerged into his day.

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5 Ways to Stay Calm in Containment

Posted on by jimmy thorpe

Is your pulse quickening?  Your blood pressure rising?  Could your heart be working a bit of overtime during this stressful situation we find ourselves in?  Well, first acknowledge that your body is responding appropriately…it’s stimulating body processes mostly through the sympathetic side of the nervous system, preparing you for fight or flight. That certainly can be an effective and necessary part of our existence.  But that can’t be our ‘normal’.  Within the stormy seas, we must instill instances of calm and peace, in order to right the ship…and guide ourselves to shore.  Let’s get there together:

  1.  Breathe – Not just any breathing…close your mouth and breathe through the nose!  Mouth breathing, which way too many of us do way too much of the time…is sourced in the upper chest, and is directly connected to the sympathetic system.  Think of the mouth as being created for eating and talking…ok kissing too!  The nose should be used for the breath.  It sterilizes, filters, and warms the air before it enters the lungs.  It encourages diaphragmatic breathing, drawing from the low abdomen (and using the diaphragm).  This is directly connected to the para-sympathetic system, in which your body is allowed to rest and recover.  Bonus:  breathing through your nose encourages your sinuses to release the gas nitric oxide, which has been found to dilate blood vessels therefore lowering blood pressure…like what?  How cool is that?
  2. Exercise – Fight the urge to discover more couch time…until you get your heart rate up through exercise.  Whether it’s on the yoga mat, or out in Mother nature, it’s been long known that exercise is good not just physically…but psychologically.  When you’re done moving, you’ll simply feel like a beast for doing so, but your body and mind will also seek out that R + R that leads to a calm state.  Humans were made to move…and many health problems could be worked on simply by less sitting, and more moving.
  3. BRRRRRRRRR – If you want to find calm in the storm…you need to brave the cold.  You’re probably thinking that being cold will add stress to the situation…not taketh away! It’s true, you may feel stressed during the cold exposure.  But when you are done, you feel like a gladiator that’s just conquered everything in the Colosseum.  And actually, I often quickly fall into a deep, slow breathing state in the ice bath.  I’m definitely not saying it’s easy to build up the bravery to hop in…but it’s worth asking: what has been easily achieved that is worthy?  Anyway, the mental feat leads you to a icewonderful state of calm and collected.  And once you feel your body warm itself back up after feeling as if you were hypothermic, you’ll start to wonder about what other super-human strengths you may be concealing. Our ancestors roamed around in animal skins, and found enough heat sleeping on the ground.  We crank the heat, wear pajamas, and then add blankets for another layer of warmth.  Stop the madness and find the cool air or water.  Physically, the cold removes inflammation and helps with pain, encourages autophagy (cellular break down and repair), aids in the fat burning process, and helps you sleep better.  A good way to start is by turning the faucet cold in the shower, and then getting more comfortable with that.  There are some more details on that here.  Good luck.
  4. Meditate – The research on meditation is wide and deep.  The act of sitting and focusing on the breath (through the nose of course), is practical, functional, multi-faceted, and has no down side.  With all of the potential benefits spanning emotional and physical well-being, everyone should find a way in.  To start, sit cris-cross on a small pillow (or sit in a chair if restricted…with feet on the floor).  Then guide your mind to your breathing pattern…just observe the breath.  Your mind will soon flee to a concern or a wonder or an idea.  Don’t judge this distraction…don’t be harsh on yourself, just gently guide your mind back to the breath. With each cycle, you’ll become more and more conscious of yourself.  And this awareness will prove to help you through the rest of your day, as you become more and more conscious of your actions…your re-actions.
  5. Produce – For the most part, when many of us want to relax, calm down, chill…we consume. We watch videos, we read books, we scroll through feeds, we eat….we ‘take in’ something.  This is input.  Much of it is good and worthy.  Actually, some if it is completely necessary.  But we have a habit (especially Americans) of consuming way too much…way too often.  And we also yearn for some type of fulfillment 70785276_158460701915546_4185775284413315789_n(1)within that consumption.  There is a hoping or wishing connected to it.  A great way to feel more purposeful and content is to consider the other side of the coin…and think about production.  When we produce or ‘make’ something, we build confidence, we contribute to our own identity, we put our mark on something…and more often than not, our something can help others in some way.  To produce is to put out something, to create…it’s creative!  If you are stressed out, anxious, or frustrated…try this:  Take a day…and all the times you reach to ‘consume’ something, spend that time on ‘producing’ something.  It could be writing, drawing, cooking, baking, creating a post on social media, crafting, dancing, acting, even exercising or playing a sport could be thought of as a creative expression of production.  When you are done, check in with yourself, and gauge your level of contentment.  I hope you were swayed in the right direction.

I wish you the best during the times of most adversity.  Please comment if this was helpful, or how it could be improved in any way.  Your feedback is valuable to me!  

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Empathy

Posted on by jimmy thorpe

‘the noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding’ – Leonardo da Vinci

 

Last week, I found myself at church in Colorado Springs.  It was like nothing I’d ever seen before.  Growing up in New Hampshire, I have a certain expectation of what ‘church’ is, and what it looks like.  It usually takes place in a formal ‘chapel like’ building…with a steeple and stained glass.  But this church wasn’t that.  I’d characterize it as very modern as a facility, and more progressive as a religious institution.  Upon entering the massive lobby, I was introduced to a bunch of gathering areas with attractive seating, an open concept fireplace, touch-screen sign in stations, a cafe, and an aesthetic that seemed to call more for a space for community and sharing, than a strict setting for receiving a sermon.

Now, I would call myself a non-believer…and still feel that way after visiting this beautiful church.  Why did I go?  My daughter and I took the trip to Colorado from New Hampshire to visit my cousin and her family.  Knowing how significant the church is within their lives, and how passionate my cousin is about being part of it, I really wanted to try to understand what it was all about.  I wanted to learn from an institution that I’m now pretty removed from…that I don’t necessarily believe in.  I wanted to practice empathy.

em•pa•thy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

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All too often, we think negatively about the other side of the isle.  We ruminate on the differences between us.  We wonder how someone could be so shallow in thinking in a particular manner.  But progress and benefit comes from finding alignment, seeking out similarities, and respecting one’s position.

The church service began with an amazing band, playing rock/pop type music with a religious message within the lyrics.  Those lyrics were displayed on two huge screens on either side of the band, along with a video of the performance…so you could follow along with the song.  The band was amazing.  After that, there was a guest speaker visiting from another church, filling in for the pastor.  His message was so smart…so relevant to my world, and so easy to grasp onto…even by me (a non-believer)…and even though God and Jesus were central to the sermon.  I could sift the information, and gather the valuable pieces for myself.  I could understand how others could be so faithful here.  I could practice empathy.

This practice of empathy can seem warm and fuzzy, mostly reserved for vegetarians and yoga instructors.  And in some ways it is.  It’s choosing to lead with love as the intention.  It’s honestly taking another person’s feelings into consideration, and honoring and respecting those as you exchange words.  It’s forgiving and welcoming instead of judging.  Do you try to do that?  When was the last time you were truly empathetic to someone with opposite values of your own?  On the other hand though, this practice is very practical.  It’s a win-win for both sides.  It allows for necessary changes within society to more efficiently take place.  And it provides us with a broader perspective…one that leads to a more rich and fulfilling life.

I left the church with a newly found respect for my cousin and her family, on top of the love I already had.  I felt so lucky to share this experience with them, and that they welcomed me so warmly to a sacred part of their lives…without even knowing my thoughts on spirituality or religion.  And I felt really positive about a community that thinks differently than me…knowing that they are practicing something so worthy, and that their doing it just so right.

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When I was 21, I was working at a local car dealership, detailing cars that were traded in when customers purchased a new one.  I had worked there with my best friend for the past 2 or 3 years…basically since high school.  My friend found a gun in one of the cars.  He told me about it, and took it home.  Within a week or two, my friend committed suicide with that gun.

Since then, as you can imagine, I’ve had very negative connotations associated with guns.  I was never really interested in them to begin with…and this situation, being my first real connection to a hand gun, immediately deterred me from becoming comfortable with them.

You see, from my perspective, as naive as this may sound to you, my friend was dealing with something that made him unhappy for some time.  And he was ‘living’ with that.  When a gun was introduced to his environment, things quickly changed.  It seemed to me that had he not found a gun, he’d still be living.  I know, I know… he may have found another way.  But try to understand how it felt to me…try to feel it…practice empathy for me if you can.

Now, many years removed from that situation, I’m still not interested in guns.  I’m definitely not as sensitive to it as I once was.  I just don’t care to have one.  And part of that decision was certainly shaped by that early experience that I had.  Recently though, I’ve had great conversations with two guys that love guns.  They both seemed to believe in owning guns for sport, as well as for a way to protect themselves…their homes…their families.  And instead of focusing on how dangerous that could be, or wondering why they feel they need some of the weapons they have, or telling them why my perspective is more valid in today’s world…I listened.  I gave my best effort to respecting their values…their reasons.  I provided an opportunity for them to voice why they accept that owning guns is effective and significant.  I practiced empathy.

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I hope that by going to church…that by talking guns…I, in some small way made others feel positive about their position.  I know that by doing both, I felt more positive about my own.  Not ‘positive’ as in all-knowing and never swaying…’positive’ as in good…healthy…happy.  When we practice empathy, we expose ourselves and others to the fact that the world is full of vastly diverse perspectives.  We open ourselves up to the multitude of possibilities and opportunities.  And regardless of how small we move the needle, we make the world a better place.

Thank you so much for your time,

Jimmy Thorpe

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work/life balance

Posted on by jimmy thorpe

‘…life is about balance.  The good and the bad.  The highs and the lows.  The pina and the colada.’ – Ellen DeGeneres

 

I haven’t worked since December 1st.  It’s about time to get back at it!  Honestly, I’ve done a couple of things to earn money since then, but for the most part…I’ve been doing other things…things that don’t make me money…things that simply make me feel happy, content…fulfilled.  And while the term ‘work/life balance’ has become overused and perhaps stigmatized, I still pay heavy attention to it, and feel that you should too!

For most of us, it’s simply expected that work at a job will take up the most amount of time in our lives…more than most of the other things we do.  I came to realize that it’s highly beneficial to enjoy the work I’m doing, considering all of the time it takes up.  I also figured out that self-employment can lead me to a place where I can work when I want to, and work how much I want to.

My previous career was teaching English, in which I worked a 190 per year schedule.  I enjoyed the vacation weeks, and the summers off, but it always felt that the job was pulling, looming over me, causing me to still think and stress about it even when I wasn’t there.  I had nightmares about lesson plans (this was early on in my career), and I felt this incredible guilt if I was ever too sick to work a day.  I could never shut it off.  This wasn’t the only reason I quit.  There were many more, and you can read about some of it here.

Before leaving though, I had started a landscaping business called East Concord Grass Roots.  It began as a way to make some more money in the summers after my daughter was born.  But I began to enjoy the freedom and autonomy associated with running my own thing.  I could choose the days I wanted to work.  I could say, ‘no thank you’ to jobs I didn’t want to do.  I could work an extra long day when it fit.

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What I eventually created though, was a schedule in which I was able to stay home with my daughter on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I managed to get my work done on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.  3 days per week!  Once in a while, I’ll work a weekend day, but it’s not that often.  So from about April 1 to December 1 (which is 34 weeks), at 3 days per week on average…that’s 102 days per year.  I’m really surprised with that!  I just did the math for the first time right now…and can’t believe it!

Within those (let’s call it) 100 days per year, I’ve been able to make more money than when I was teaching.  That was also a huge surprise to me, as I realized it soon after starting the business.  Now, I certainly don’t make a lot of money, and live quite modestly.  I have a small, old house.  I drive an old car with 220,000 miles on it.  But this is all part of the balance…the decisions…the work and the life.  Taking both into heavy consideration, I’ve found a sweet spot for myself.

Early on in parenthood, I made the decision that I’d put in as much effort (quality and quantity time) as possible…especially in the younger, foundational years.  I’m so happy and proud that I’ve been able to do that.  And as I’ve aged, I’ve come to understand that I love to spend a lot time at home…reading, writing, cooking, creating, working on the house, etc.  These last two winters have really proven to give me plenty of that.  This previous winter was the first that I gave up snow plowing, as it was generally a source of stress and anxiety for me.  I did have to make sacrifices to live more frugally through those months.  But it was a deliberate decision, related to work/life balance, that I made in order to stay happier.  I was able to read and write more than I ever have during that time, and now I truly feel ready to attack another Spring season.

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Work and leisure and family are all so particular depending on who I talk to.  I’m not naive, thinking that anyone reading this should quit their job and start their own business.  I will say though, that I don’t believe that most people give this idea the attention it deserves.  I will also say that I see most people highly stressed by their job, and wonder if they consider the long term and far reaching effects of that…on their own body, life span…and on their children.  I will ask if you’ve given thought to this question:  Can you make enough money in 100 days per year as opposed to 260 days that most people work?  Can you be happier doing so?

Many of us follow the routine, structure, and norms of the current society…and then find ourselves in situations where we ask how we got there.  Maybe we find that we don’t enjoy being there.  We want something else.  I’m just writing this to let you know that if that’s you wondering…there are ways to figure it out.  It’s worth your exploration.  The variables of time and money will certainly run the gamut, depending on your family and the field you work in.  But it’s easy to see, this at-bat that we have in life…this one chance that we get…isn’t about chasing a paycheck or ‘burning the wick at both ends’ because that’s what we’re ‘supposed’ to do.  It’s about trying to achieve a rich and fulfilling period of time based on what it is that you want.

So what is that?

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