Tonight, on New Year’s Eve, I sat alone in my old, creaky New Englander. I had walked the dog, made myself dinner, and crashed down into my worn and beloved love seat. It wasn’t as if this was a unique occurrence. Actually, I told myself that in 2024, I better turn things around and start being more… productive.
But tonight, I was to grasp on to this last chance of this year to find a good movie, and relax. What happened though, was anything but that.
You see, instead of watching the rest of the movie, I was drawn and pulled to start writing. It’s not that the movie was bad. I was actually into it! But about 10 minutes in, a scene took place that stirred me to my core. Now I’m full of anxiety and desire to somehow get this feeling, and these thoughts, out of my head and into written words. This happen to anyone else?
It’s New York City. I can’t tell you what movie. It doesn’t matter. I think it would trivialize my point here. And this scene has happened in a million movies. But tonight, it brought out of me first a sadness and appreciation for the city, as well as a guttural urge to say something. Weird, I know.
The scene was a ‘following shot’…camera following a main character up and out of the stairway of an underground New York City subway station….bringing her directly into the heart of Midtown where…well where Everything is. Then the camera pans up and away from the character it was following, to gather and accept the vast scope of the surrounding street energy, and the ever-reaching buildingscape.
When this scene happened, I found myself quickly inhaling to catch my breath…I was getting emotional. My eyes welled, but no tear. But yes, a sadness. And this, I knew, was my way in to understanding the city.
I was in the Big Apple a couple of weeks ago, experiencing Christmas in the city with my 10-year-old daughter. It was in a word… Magical. On the train ride down, and then, throughout my time there, I kept asking myself, ‘what is it about this city that is so special?’
You see, I have been coming to questions like this very often during this past year. I’m lately much less interested in certainty, with pushing forward with statements and answers. Most of my thoughts have been lead by questions. I urge you to try this. Of course, when we ask ourselves a question, it’s only natural that we begin to consider answers.
Well this scene in this movie was the spark that finally encouraged me to pursue some of those answers. But I can’t call them answers actually. That makes me uncomfortable. I’d rather simply call them my opinions. I could be wrong. You could feel totally different than me.
New York City is where Everything is happening. It’s where ‘it’ is happening. I’ve been to other places around the world, but when I myself step up and out of that subway stairwell, I recognize that, ‘Ohhh…everywhere else is nice, unique, great…whatever. But THIS place…this is THE place. Why is that? What does that even mean? More questions.
I’ve been feeling this for the past couple of years, after visiting NYC a few times, and then even more so after this recent holiday trip. But I haven’t been able to articulate it…haven’t been able to, nor really tried to put words to my feelings. The movie scene did it for me though.
The breath that was taken away from me, told me that this place was about potential. Potential makes me emotional. Unfulfilled, or in this case, fulfilled. This epicenter of a city is absolutely and maximally living up to a beautiful potential that is unreachable anywhere else. It makes up the buildings. And it’s in the air. It’s a buzz, and it can make you dance.
I’m now remembering that when my daughter and I took our train back to Boston, and as we looked around for a bit, she said, ‘Dad, Boston is cool…but it’s not New York.’ She recognized it too!
The other feeling I had during that movie scene…that sad feeling? My eyes welled up because I considered how hard the city is working. Constantly and forever. For all of us. It’s the city that never sleeps, we know that. But it’s more than that. It keeps chugging along, worn at its edges, though still providing a certain sufficiency. It’s like that sled dog that keeps pulling into the oncoming storm, never even looking back at you for approval. It knows it’s doing what it necessary. And it asks for nothing in return. Well that’s not all the way true.
New York City does ask for something. It asks me to be there. It’s asking you the same. It asks us to come be part of it all. Along with its humble nature of ‘chop wood-carry water’, we know that its ego is unrelenting and unwavering. Call it narcissism. It wants and needs our attention. All of it. Everything is happening there. And therefore, the city thrives off of a continual throng of locals and visitors. Because of its ultimate potential though, I can’t hold that attention-seeking behavior against the city. Whatever it beckons, it can back up!
If I asked YOU a question…a question about New Year’s Eve, I wonder how you’d answer. If you had the chance to be in the middle of Times Square, shoulder to shoulder with millions of others as the ball dropped, would you be there?
Each time I’ve discussed this with others, I usually hear that an experience like that would be too chaotic, too congested with people, and just…too crazy. Logistical nightmare! Why would anyone want to be somewhere like that? Not worth it. I actually held these same ideas myself. But maybe I was swayed by the feelings of others, not wrapped up in the potential of what New York City can provide and deliver. Just maybe, everyone in Times Square at that time, and even those New Yorkers sitting at home in their upper-westside brownstones, know something that we don’t.
They know that this place is the most beautiful and intense collection and presentation of human experience on earth. They know that those well-trodden subway stairwells will be ready for them tomorrow. And they know how fortunate they are to be sitting at the crossroads of the world. Thank you New York City, and Happy New Year!
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