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Last year…on my 37th birthday…I published a piece called 37.  It was basically stating that I’d be starting the process of documenting all of my writing.  And it was thanking all of you for affecting and influencing me…however you have.  Click here to read it.

I also wrote a piece on Medium this past Fall called #roadto40 – a Midlife Manifesto, in which I basically stated my commitment to a more deliberate way of living, with hopes of documenting my journey along the way.  Click here to read that!

Now that a year has gone by, and I’m further down that road to 40…I figure I better check in with myself to see how the trip is going.

In one way, that 37 year contained so much.  The days and weeks and months felt very slow, filled up…fulfilling.  On the other hand, now that the year is in the past and I’m looking back at it, the time went so fast.  Along with that, I didn’t get done as much as I wanted; my to do list actually grew.  By the way, that was the first time I’ve used a semi-colon in forever.  I am an English major, but still have no idea how to use one correctly.  Please advise in the comments.

But yeah…my list!  It’s fascinating that as we age and grow, we become more exposed to potentialities and opportunities we never knew existed.  In a way, when I was younger, I thought I knew my options.  ‘I’ll go do that, that, and that when I’m older,’ is kind of how it went through my head as a naive young man.  But after I got to the first ‘that’, I found 3 others that I was interested in.  And those took energy away from the pursuit of my original ideas!

This may seem obvious to you.  It’s just how life is.  It usually doesn’t go exactly as planned.  And, we think we know more than we really do.  I now have advice and lessons that I could tell my 20 year old self.  What’s more interesting, is realizing that my 60 year old self will have far more lessons for where I am now.  My recent focus on writing, on self exploration, on living deliberately…has provided me a truly humble and grateful perspective.  One that allows me to more effectively understand the road I travel on.

Before I challenge myself with what is next on my current ‘to do’ list, I feel it’s important to reflect on the experiences of my 37 year.  I will now detail that reflection within an interpretive dance.  Hmmm…the upload isn’t working for that dance video…so you’ll have to use your imagination.

In general, I’ve really been able to focus on appreciating others during this year.  Realizing how significant my relationships are, and how grateful I am for anyone who’s influenced me (good or bad), I’ve opened myself up to new opportunities (like I spoke about above), and actually discovered a love for others…instead of a fear that I once had.

Unfortunately, my own insecurities held me back, starting in my teens and sticking around far too long.  I developed a dislikedness (my own word) for other people, which really stemmed from that fear I had at the start.  I’m sorry for that.  I hope it didn’t affect you at all.  I used to want you and everyone else to lose…and for me to win.  It was sad, and lonely.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an introvert at my core.  I need a lot of ‘me’ time…selfish time…to charge up…to center.  It’s not natural for me to be ‘out’ all of the time, socializing, partying, connecting.  That’s not me…and you won’t see me doing a lot of that.  Interestingly enough, my #roadto40, my self-exploration has been effective in letting me be selfish.  By thinking through and identifying what it is I really want, and doing that as much as possible, I’ve ‘got myself good’.  I’m honestly now in a very happy place…more than I’ve ever been.  I feel content, fulfilled.  And what’s been refreshing through all of that, is that now…all I want to do is connect with others.  I want to hear what you’re up to.  I want to know your story.  What’s your #roadto40 like?  What is in your manifesto?  I want to learn from you!

By the way, I also feel that I have something very beneficial to offer others, whether it be through my writing, or simply connecting some other way.  I so want you to win too now…just as much, if not more than I want to win!  And boy do I want to win!  If there’s any way I can help someone in that…I want to be there, and I’m very serious about that.  Please let me know.

This year, I want to connect more.  I’ll be starting new projects in hopes to bring people together.  I can’t wait to celebrate and learn with you.  Please come join me if you can!  I’ll be in touch.

I’ve also started writing a book.  It’s been both very rewarding and challenging.  I haven’t identified a date yet for when I want to be done…but, it’s certainly on my list.

Thinking about that, I have a favor to ask of you.  Please tune in.  Please follow me.  I’ll never take it for granted, and so appreciate it.  It’s very humbling that someone would choose to read something I wrote…or listen to what I have to say.  Thank you.  Share me, or recommend me to anyone who might get value from anything I’m doing.   I really want to connect with more beautiful people, and that starts with you shooting out your webs!

Here are some things I’m up to currently…and where you can find me:

Home base – jimmythorpe.com

Monthly Book Club – Each month, I send out 1 email, describing a couple of books that I highly recommend.  Find out what I’m reading, and sign up for the email club here!

Podcast – You can find my ‘Breathe upon Waking’ podcast on itunes, Google Play, on the Anchor app, or on my website homepage here.

Facebook – come say hello here!

Cork and Crush Wine Club – I started tasting a different wine every week.  Once I get my palate more educated…just kidding…once I get organized, I’m going to invite you to come join me.  Stay posted here! 

East Concord Grass Roots – I still own and run a landscaping company.  Spring is coming.  Call me!

Dads and Daughters – I’m still in the developing phase of this…but soon, I’ll be starting a group for dads and daughters to meet up and hang out.  I want to provide an experience to strengthen that bond, and to help build a community for us Dads to all learn within.  Please contact me to be part of this.

Snapchat – it’s just fun!  Come find me there @thorpedojam

Instagram – some pics, hopefully some inspiration…I’m loving Instagram stories right now! Follow me @thorpe42

Music! — I’m trying to learn guitar and voice. It’s a work in progress. I’m ‘under construction’ for sure. But I use my YouTube channel to challenge myself to keep learning and post a new one. Come listen!

All love!

emailsig

yes no, maybe so

your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision’ 

-Tony Robbins

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when the details on the surface are wiped away…what is left?

There are times in our life when we have to make a decision.  We find ourselves standing at a crossroads with options in front of us.  A typical crossroads would determine that we would have three options or choices. Picture driving up to an actual intersection of roads. It’s best to think of west.  The desert, tumbleweed, cacti, cactuses?  Both are accepted.  This setting just feels more serene and secluded.  And it’s just cool. No one is there to witness your decision.  It is just you and this place and the road you choose.  You can take a left, go straight, or take a right…3 choices.  Maybe a good way to use this analogy would be to match up each choice of road with an answer to the question, ‘should I do this?’  Of course ‘this’ can fit whatever situation you may have in your life.  With 3 choices of roads, road 1 is YES!  Road 2 is NO!  Road 3 is OTHER or MAYBE SO.


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she could make a new road with this!

 

Road 1

I think whenever we are asking ourselves ‘should I do this’, it’s usually because we already have a hunch that we want to do it.  ‘Go with your gut’, ‘follow your instincts’, ‘lead with your heart’, are all phrases that tell us we already know the answer.  Yes is the answer.  We know what we’d like to do, and deep down we know what we desire.  However, before we commit ourselves to road 1, we are faced with obstacles like fear and insecurity that will ostensibly reveal that this decision was a bad choice.  That’s terrible and very sad.  I think everyone needs more of road 1 in their life.  Be more of a ‘yes man’, and stop turning everything down. Embrace change and moving forward.  Covet growth and the learning process, especially when you find yourself on the edge of comfort.  Many of us talk about our passions and what we truly want to be doing.  We describe it to others.  We visualize it in vivid detail.  We think about how it will all play out in the future.  But then we don’t act.  This is why some psychologists have found that we shouldn’t actually talk about our goals.  By speaking about them, and receiving feedback from others, we actually feel a sense of accomplishment and we lose the passion, the edge, the motivation we once had.  This has happened to me many times.  It’s hard because we want to share our passion with others.  We want to bounce ideas. Maybe we should just share the tip of the iceberg…or bounce one small ball to someone. Don’t spill it before acting on it.  When is the best time to start acting on your passions?  Right now.  Immediately.  The clock is ticking.  

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‘Do what you want’ sounds negative and detached but if I teach and use effective language, I can help Matilda hold onto ‘acting on her desires’.  It’s really the same thing.  When we’re young, it’s natural for us.  But much like creativity, we tend to lose it along the road


 

Road 2

Being a ‘yes man’ and taking road 1 on your decisions can bring you places you never dreamed of.  However, there are often times when we have to say ‘no’.  Maybe you’re just done spending time with a certain person…maybe your schedule is full…maybe you’re just wiped out from being the challenges of parenting.  All these are totally justifiable.  I’ve learned that ‘no’ doesn’t have to be negative.  If we communicate to others our feelings and/or reasons along with our ‘no’, we should be comfortable and content in our position to turn something down.  Withing my business, I now notice myself saying ‘no’ more often.  I always try to say ‘yes’ and take road 1 when people have requests.  But for a variety of reasons, sometimes I turn things down.  In the past, I felt guilty or insecure about this.  But that doesn’t hold any weight.  I tell myself that if I can’t commit wholeheartedly to this decision, it won’t work out for either party.  Therefore, taking Road 2 can be understood as the best decision for all involved.  Road 2 shouldn’t be as worn and trodden as road 1, but don’t be afraid to lay new tracks when warranted.    


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‘I’m not ready to be done Dad.  I don’t want to leave yet’ is a phrase that I cherish and honor when I can. 
She’s taking Road 2, and saying ‘no’ to being done with something.

 

Road 3


Sometimes we can’t commit to a yes or no right now.  We aren’t ready to.  I actually use road 3 often.  I’m not so great at deciding on things right away.  I like to ruminate on the idea for a while…sleep on it in a sense.  I have come to realize that spontaneity is powerful and rewarding, and have started implementing that more in my day to day.  However, on some big decisions, I still hold value in deliberate consideration, weighing pros and cons over time and as I think of them, and documenting thoughts in a journal, before making a final choice. While mulling over an idea for a couple of days, an important variable will often arise that easily determines the outcome for me.  It’s like a subtle, ‘did you consider this?’  And I will know right then and there whether it’s road 1 or 2 that I’m taking.  Road 3 seems to be a loop around that brings you back to the same intersection later on.  It allows some soul searching, some road tripping, and a few pit stops to get your bearings and reassess your current location/situation.  

Maybe you have to let some time pass before you become close with that special someone. Perhaps you’re waiting for them to work something out on their end.  

You may need to save some money up, or line up your budget differently first.  

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and need to put a decision on the back burner until you feel more centered.  

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Decision making at the Scoop Deck

 

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What would you choose?  I go with something different every visit

 

Whatever it may be, we all have reasons to take road 3 at certain crossroads.  As I spoke of in the Road 2 section…be confident and content with your choice to wait on the decision.  It’s not a ‘non-decision’…it’s a decision to wait, and lock in to something when you are totally ready to do so.  With the quick pace of our lives, I’m often telling Matilda, ‘let’s go, make a decision quickly!’  But I try to catch myself…thinking, ‘wait…she can have all the time she wants to make a decision’ (within reason!).  I believe it will strengthen the ground she stands on, and empower her ability to make wise and timely decisions for the rest of her life.  

Be aware of your surroundings when you come to a crossroads.  Simply pay attention to your emotions and the physical changes taking place.  Take a breath before accelerating down the next road.  Remember, each and every even small decision will set your life onto a different path…possibly a different plane.  So choose wisely!  I wish you the best in your decision making!

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The sun is on me…and it feels good.

 

Music:  Kaleo is a band that started in Iceland.  That might contribute to their unique sound. I often forget about them for a while, and then hear them on the radio.  The sound is always intriguing…and since I don’t own any of their music, I always go home and put on some of their live stuff.  Matilda and I caught them live at the Newburyport Riverfront Music Festival last year.  They rock!  Give this song a listen!





you snooze you lose

‘good morning to you, fair and gracious daughter’ – Shakespeare

The morning is a part of the day when we’re usually following routines and habits that have been ingrained over a long period of time.  When this occurs, we can easily just breeze through tasks, attempting to get up and go quickly.  The significance of time and place can go unrecognized, and we can set ourselves on a course that reflects that lack of investment.  I think often about ‘investing’ in ourselves as individuals.  It can be within our diet or health, experiences we have, or simply by reading.  The beginning of the day though, is such a fitting time to invest, as we can set ourselves off on a path filled with great returns. 


At the 2014 University of Texas at Austin commencement speech, Admiral William H. McRaven advised students to make their bed upon waking, and to do it well.  You can be proud of completing this simple task, and it can be a reflection of the work you do further on throughout your day.  Click here for the speech.  The make-your-bed advice starts at about 4:40.


I usually can’t make my bed right after waking…because Matilda and my dog Jackson are still sleeping there.  But I do appreciate the idea, and I come back a little later in the morning to complete this.  It also reveals to me that we are all very different in how we do things at home…so there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ approach to mornings.  Some enjoy coffee while others take tea.  We can all find our own habits that lead us to a successful day, and employ them upon waking.  


Here are some ideas that have been working for me:


You Snooze You Lose – I’ve battle with the snooze button for years, and whenever I press it, I feel guilty, like I’m losing, and that I’m not supposed to be doing it.  Instead of smashing that snooze, I turn the alarm off and take a deep, cleansing, mindful breath.  It’s like a soft signal to the rest of my body that I’m going to get up now.  I also feel and think

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she’s totally snoozing!

about appreciation during that breath.  I might be considering how fortunate I am to get another day, or cherishing the fact that Matilda and I will somehow grow today, or simply smiling and coveting the first moment that is only mine…this breath is all happiness, all love.  Part of my ability to find this happiness, is the fact that I really love my mornings now.  So I’m looking forward to getting downstairs and starting with my day.  It used to be grumpiness and negativity and why so early and 10 more minutes.  It took some searching and practice to get to where I am now, but I’m actually surprised at how making a few small changes has led to such an awesome awakening.

 

 

Early Bird Gets the Worm – Wake up earlier.  It’s that simple.  This is somewhat related to not smashing the snoozer button, but it’s also about just setting an earlier wake time goal. Sleeping a little bit longer and then waking up to rush through tasks mindlessly, leaves you feeling chaotic…and success within whatever you do will be fleeting.  It’s similar to driving fast.  You’re more stressed, under more pressure, and not being mindful of all of your moves. I’m currently waking at 4:45am, and I’m working toward 4:30am.  For a while, I would sleep as long as I possible could, and hope that Matilda would also sleep late…waking when she would get up.  But I found that I could rise early, and have about an hour to just invest in myself.  I can’t stress enough how beneficial this has been.  Waking up early, and feeling that you’re up before most others can give you a sense of accomplishment, regardless of what you actually accomplish.  You’re already ahead!


The Elixir of Life – Before you go straight to the coffee pot, hydrate yourself a little.  You’re body has gone without food or water since bedtime.  Don’t immediately take in coffee, which is a diuretic. Gulp down a half glass of water or so.  Similar to the deep breath I take upon waking, I like to think of this bit of water as another signal to my body to start up again…also as a lubricant to all of the systems in the body…or a swell to the river that delivers nutrients throughout.  Then I go to the coffee.  I make and set up my coffee maker the night before, and have it brew at the same time as my alarm clock will go off.  That way, it’s one more sound to help wake me, and I can actually smell the coffee from my bedroom…which is just the best!   Sometimes between the water and coffee, I take a shot of what I call the Elixir of Life.  A tumbler glass is best for this.  Squeeze the juice from half of an organic lemon in. Add a spoon full of honey (from your zip code is best…or from your own bees!).  Then add cinnamon.  This drink has many benefits.  I’m not sure what any of those benefits are, other than the fact that it is ‘invigorating’.  By the way, when did you last do something that was truly invigorating? 


Breathe – Find some sort of mindfulness or meditation practice that works best for you.  I have a large window that faces east…and that faces a large corn field, allowing me to take in a far off horizon.  It feels great to sit on the floor near this window, with the sun on my face. Depending on the time of year, and when I actually decide to sit, I can be present during a sunrise.  It feels like the sun strengthens me for the day.  I haven’t done the research on this either, but I know some that struggle with depression can be prescribed more sun.  I think it raises levels of serotonin.  Whatever it does, it feels good.  I spend 10-15 minutes just focusing on my breath here.  I have two analogies for meditation.  One, is that it is like doing a cleanse on the mind.  It removes cancerous deposits, distractions, junk, filler, useless stuff, and allows all systems to function in harmony.  My other analogy is more techy.  Meditation is like a disc clean up and defragmentation of the mind.  That works right?  


Lead and Paper – Write in a journal.  There are many methods for this that can be helpful. I’ve been simply writing the date and then a few sentences about how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about.  I also use it to wish happiness on someone else for the day (See a previous post here for more on this).  You never know…you might be the one I’m wishing for!  Then I write down 2 or 3 things I want to get done or focus on that day.  I took this from Leo Babauta.  He calls them M.I.T’s, or Most Important Tasks.  By connecting these M.I.T.’s to goals that you have, you’ll make sure to complete objectives along your journey.  Use a real pencil. Find some extraordinary stationary (can those two words go together?).  And just write.


Move – Run, do yoga, pushups and situps, cleans and presses, handstands, ride your bike. Find something fun that get’s your juices flowing. When training or exercising in the early morning, a great motivating factor is the feeling that you’ve completed a workout and showered before anyone is even awake.  Do it!


Cold – I’ve taken hot hot showers for almost all of my life.  From time to time, I would cool it off at the end just a bit.  This winter though, I came to love COLD showers.  I don’t mean a little cool.  I call it 9 o’clocking because my shower control is at it’s absolute coldest when it’s in the 9 o’clock position.  If you haven’t tried this…you have to.  Shower as you would regularly, but about halfway through, shift your faucet to about half cold – half hot.  This will feel pretty cold.  But that’s nothing.  When you’re all rinsed of soap and conditioner, turn your faucet to the absolute coldest setting.  Just commit to it.  You’ll thank me later.  Put your head directly under the water and start there.  Once your head is almost frozen, make sure your entire body gets sprayed with the icy stuff.  No joke, the first time I tried this, I laughed out loud uncontrollably.  After doing this?  You’ll feel like a beast, and that there is nothing you can’t do that day.  And…it will be the second invigorating thing you’ll have done before other’s have started their day!  


Try some of these and comment on your experience below!  And by the way, thanks so much for reading this far!



Music:  The band Amber Run put their instruments down for this great collaboration with the London Contemporary Voices choral group.  It’s majestic.  Click here for it!


All Love!

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