daughter

Fictional case study #2 (Good guy Gary)

Posted on April 1, 2018April 1, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘the path to success is to take massive, determined actions’ – Tony Robbins

It is interesting that we often look outside of ourselves for direction and advice. We ask others what they would do. We actually value that advice more than we consider our very own. Most people are just built that way. And with today’s social media world, it’s all on display. We’re constantly evaluating our choices, actions, posts…by the amount of likes or type of comments we get. It’s harder to go truly insular these days, and stay discipline with your own feelings and opinions. But for the select few that can go there…and that can keep returning there…the payoff will be insane!

Take this fictional story as an example of that: Gary is a 41 year old good guy. He works for an HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning) company. He has a 5 year old daughter named Madison. Gary is divorced and has his own place.

He’s recently noticed that he’s about 30 pounds overweight. He feels strong from the work he does, but he hasn’t seen his own muscle definition since two years out of high school. He has that trendy new shape that’s now a popular hashtag on instagram…#dadbod. And even though that trend has made it seem more acceptable to wear the extra layer of blubber, he knows how much more attractive he’d be…how healthier he’d feel…if he lost the weight, or better yet…turned most if that weight into muscle!

Another thought that Gary has been having lately, is that he recognizes that he is modeling behavior for his daughter Madison. She soaks up everything at this young age, and is watching his every move. As she’s growing up, he’s having more and more conversations with her about healthy eating and exercise…but when Madison is at Mom’s house, Gary is eating chips on the couch. He isn’t practicing what he’s preaching. And deep down, he knows that he’s influencing his daughter. In some way, she’s going to inherently take on some of his practices. We are all ‘products of our environment’. Sure, there is the nature vs. nurture debate. But either way, we are shaped by what we come from. The apple still falls from the tree, regardless of how far it rolls away.

Gary hasn’t done much research on exercise. Like most of us, he hasn’t majored in exercise science…but he understands that some cardio, some strength training, and a lot of eating healthy is what will transform his body. And he wants to get to the gym…he just doesn’t know which one to go to. There’s Planet Fitness over here, Bikram Yoga over there, a power-lifting gym, a place that coaches olympic lifting…not to mention the 3 new crossfit gyms in town! bHe told himself (and his daughter) that one of his New Year’s resolutions was to get into better shape. But it’s mid March now, and he figures it’s too late to have a beach body ready for the summer. He might as well wait until Fall to start really making a push for the next summer.

As Gary starts thinking about it too much, you can see how he starts getting into trouble.

He’s also feeling a little insecure…not that he would come out and say that to anyone! When he was a kid, his dad taught him that men don’t show emotions or feelings like that. Most of Gary’s buddies though, belong to one of these local gyms, or at least play men’s league basketball once a week. Gary runs out of breath just going up a flight of stairs. He doesn’t want to have to start at square one at the gym, when everyone else is killing it. He’d be ‘that guy’…the one that can’t bench-press the big 45 pound weight plates…the one that’s sweating all over the elliptical machine after 5 minutes of use. He doesn’t want to be that guy. Actually, he doesn’t want others to see him as that guy. This is again, an example of how some of us let others control how we live (or don’t live) our lives.

And even though this isn’t something Gary would discuss with Madison, it’s somehow passed down to her anyway. Gary thinks he puts off an ‘I live on my terms’ vibe to his daughter…but the subconscious nuance to that is out of his control. The subtleties of his actions, of his reactions, of his initial responses to everyday occurrences…are unfortunately telling Madison, ‘our family doesn’t crush it. We worry some…about how we come across to others. We think and talk, more than we actually do.’ Gary could tell Madison how important it is to not worry about what others think, but his actions are creating 10x the results in the opposite direction. It isn’t even a contest.

/nuᐧance/ – a subtle difference in; shade of meaning, expression, or sound.

Another thought Gary has been having is about his gear. His running shoes are so old and dirty. He only has 2 or 3 pair of athletic shorts. His ipod is big and clunky and old and doesn’t hold a charge. He sees that everyone else has cool stuff! New compression shorts and pants, bright sneakers and socks, and that cool armband thing that conveniently holds a new ipod out of the way. And everyone pretty much only wears dryfit materials now, which Gary has none of. He thinks he’s going to look stupid…no matter what he does. He thinks he should probably stock up on some of this gear over time…then he’ll be ready for the gym.

On top of that, he knows the potato chips and chillaxing on the couch needs to change. He actually has some good ideas about eating healthy, but he thinks that he should finish up eating all of the junk in the house, as not to waste, then start getting healthier with his diet. Once he gets his diet right, then he’ll feel more ready to approach the gym.

Boy…some of us can see that Gary is soft…physically and mentally. He should just go! Who cares about all that stuff he’s worrying about?

On the other hand, some of us can truly identify with Gary. Sometimes it feels that we need to first take care of A, in order to feel comfortable trying B. And sometimes it seems that other people have all the right stuff. And we don’t. But that’s just a losing mentality.

By thinking too much…by wondering what ‘most others’ are doing…by giving energy to what other people might feel…Gary has already lost.

If he focused on doing, and just starting somehow…he’d be well on his way to ‘healthy Gary’, who would be (by the way), the absolute best role model for Madison.

At the first hint of a feeling that Gary had about being out of shape (that very day!), he should have laced up the old running shoes and gone out for a 5k run…no ipod necessary. Leaving from his house, taking it nice and slow, he could easily complete the 3.1 miles. Imagine the pride and sense of accomplishment after that! Then, he could have made stir fry vegetables and rice for dinner…with some yogurt (instead of ice-cream) for dessert.

Now picture Gary’s mindset the following morning…as opposed to all of that negative thinking he was doing in the other model. Imagine the effect and influence on Madison that next morning as they approach the day together. I wonder what different experiences they’d have. I wonder how much more she’d be exposed to in her childhood, going this route. And I wonder how much further Madison would reach into her own potential, living with a dad who creates action, instead of one who sits and worries.

I don’t think we understand this effect as well as we should. I know that I don’t myself. And I’m trying to be more aware of it every single day. It is very obvious that the far majority of us have wonderful intentions. We all, of course, want the best for our children. Gary wants Madison to be healthy…and wants her to know how to achieve and maintain that lifestyle. And deep down, we all believe that we’re teaching our children all about what is right and wrong. It’s worth considering though, that within that teaching, it’s much more effective to focus on doing…not on lecturing or thinking.

Thank you for reading!

FinalSignature

always be closing

Posted on February 21, 2018February 21, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘thoughts are great…but action leads to closing’

A.B.C.

I must admit it…my house is a mess! And…I just cleaned up that area. How does it already look like a storm hit it?

I have to confess…I’ve started a thousand projects around here, and about 999 of them still seem ‘under construction’.

I should accept it. I have a problem. Actually many, but I’ll start with this one and see if I can find closure with it.

I peg myself as really good at coming up with ideas. I have journals and sheets and post it notes collected with a bunch of random ideas. These can be related to business, the house, relationships, professional development, investments, blah blah blah. Most of my ideas are bad. However, I believe that while coming up with many poor ideas…and documenting them…I’m bound to come up with a good one here and there. It’s almost like I come up with 99 bad ideas for every one diamond in the rough. It’s a low shooting percentage but hey, if you don’t shoot you can’t score.

I do feel strongly about documenting by the way. If you don’t put your thoughts and ideas and goals down on paper, or somewhere digitally, they’ll just float around in your head, and possible float out of your head for good. Once you put them somewhere, you can make space in your head for developing that idea or adding interest to it…or coming up with another one. Find yourself a cool journal, even a good expensive one. It’s investing in your own brain/goals/ideas. And it will encourage you to put good use to it, and hold value in your own beliefs.

So I’m good with all that stuff. My interests are many. I’m quick to jump into things and just try something. I love learning anything new. However…I’m not good with following the practice of the phrase, ‘Always Be Closing’. This phrase is from the 1992 drama film called Glengarry Glen Ross, in which the character played by Alec Baldwin encourages some of the other characters to close deals within their sales work. Watch out for bad language, but here is a great clip from the movie. Look…it’s a very shallow message in regards to simply making more money above all else, and disregarding things like being a good dad, or being kind. However, it struck a chord with me in how it can relate to the idea of completing something. And this is what I have trouble with. As I said, I can start a bunch of projects. But I never seem to finish many of them.

This weekend, I had a task that I wanted to complete. The ramps in my landscape trailer have to be lifted in and mounted to the inside walls for transportation. Well, I’ve always had this crap system of a cheap eye-hook and bungee chords to hold them in place. Boring I know…bear with me. This system has bothered me for about 5 years. I can’t believe that! I’ve spoken about it, wrote down ideas, sworn at it many times…but never really done anything about it. Well on Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I came up with a plan, went to the hardware store for materials, and put in a new ramp mounting system. It was actually pretty easy! On Sunday, I found myself putting all of my tools back in their proper place, sweeping up the garage floor of all debris, and wiping down my workbench with a cleaner and paper towels. I suddenly thought, ‘Oh my…I’ve actually completed something, and I’m in the very final stage of cleaning up the mess associated with it. I never do this!’ I’m telling you…it felt so good. I immediately thought about ‘Always Be Closing’, and the benefits related to that. I thought about Casey Neistat, and how he has those words tattooed on his arm. He actually dedicated an entire Vlog to this idea. Watch it here!

Neistat says that if you start a bunch of things and don’t finish them, you’re a loser. That’s me…how sad. Someone who starts something and always finishes it is a closer. That’s not me. My new focus is to become more of a closer. I must bring my ideas to fruition…see them through to their fullest potential. I’m on it. By closing, and completing something, we are able to reap the rewards related to our project. After dealing with annoyance of the ramp system in my trailer for 5 years, and halfheartedly poking at it here and there with temporary repairs, no wonder I felt so good about putting smart and hard work to it and having it completed.

Closing leads to you feeling much more productive.

Closing frees up space in your head for other, more important ideas.

Closing encourages intellect and hard work over complaining and hoping.

Closing leads to more appreciation instead of expectation.

Don’t be a loser…be a closer!

Organization

A.B.C. totally relates to keeping our lives organized too. This is an area that I struggle with, and one that I’ll be putting some more focus into. When you come home…with a bunch of things in your hands…maybe a bag or two…and pockets full of receipts and change and hair clips (for some reason, I always find myself here)…do you put everything away in it’s designated spot? What I usually do is pile it onto my dining room table. It’s flat, easy to access, and I won’t need the table until about 5:30pm. That’s not closing. That’s losing! The worst is when I’ve put together a nice dinner and I go to bring plates to the table for Matilda and I, to find my loser pile in the way. Worst!

I do have all of the designated places for things. I have a file cabinet with nicely labeled folders, a piggy bank in the living room, a cup in the bathroom for Matilda’s hair clips. I just don’t follow that step of putting things directly into their proper place. And this is key. If you hired someone to come ‘organize your house’ or your life, a main thread would be to immediately place things into their position. Put them in their home. Look at your computer desk, your kitchen counters, the desktop on your computer…even your email inbox. Are you organized? I’ve started trying to get to a totally empty email inbox as often as possible. This entails creating simple folders, unsubscribing from all of the crap, deleting as soon as possible, and once a day, taking care of pertinent messages. It relieves so much stress for me to have a clean slate. But I need to work on the more ‘physical’ areas of my life…and organize those. I want to finish more projects on my to do list…not just start them. I don’t want to be a loser anymore…I want to be a closer! Please comment if you’ve found effective ways of ‘closing’ in your own life.

thoughts are great…but action leads to closing!

Music: Blind Pilot is an Oregon based band. They use interesting instruments like a mountain dulcimer, vibraphone, and a harmonium. Here’s a great one called New York.

If you like what you’ve read, please use the ‘follow by email’ bar below. I appreciate you reading!

go be it

Posted on February 11, 2018February 11, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken’ – Warren Buffett

Music: Click here to listen to one of my favorite all around bands…Dawes. They’re from California, and have been described as having a Laurel Canyon sound. The singer/guitar player has an awesome 1960’s telecaster…for all you guitar buffs out there. His brother plays drums in the band…and they have a special harmony when they sing together. Griffin, the drummer, takes hipster to a whole new level. I secretly want to be this guy for a week. Enjoy!

Image result for griffin dawes

What inspires you? What get’s your juices flowing? Is it sports, politics, family, education, music? We all have certain experiences when we feel engaged and intrigued. And we are all so different as to what flicks that switch for us.

More and more, I’ve been trying to live closer to those things that are inspirational for me. I wonder if all of us do this enough. I know for me, for a long time…I didn’t. Whether out of fear, insecurities, self-doubt, or many other reasons, we often don’t try new things or pursue avenues we are unsure of. And that is surely something to regret. I remember reading something a while back (can’t remember the source) in which older people that were near the end of their lives…basically gave advice on how to live. Most of the regrets had to do with things they hadn’t done or tried. And the best advice was to live with passion, don’t care what others think, take more risks, and worry less. Living this way enriches our lives and creates happiness for ourselves and those around us.

Last summer, the band Dawes that I introduced above, was playing in Portsmouth, NH at Prescott Park. I found out about it last minute and asked a couple friends to go. But it was the morning of the show and no one was able to. I had really just started listening to them. I was inspired and had to see them. But I wasn’t too psyched about going alone, parking would be tough, the place would probably be packed, wouldn’t be able to find a good seat, might be too cold. These are the negative thoughts that immediately ran through my head. Something I’ve done a lot of in the past, and something I’m always working on reversing. Anyway, I showed up to a beautiful setting on the water. The place wasn’t packed at all, and I was able to sit on the grass on the right side of the stage. I was right next to that hipster drummer, and had an incredible view of everything. I felt like I had a backstage pass or something. As they played, the sun set, creating a golden glow over the park, and I knew…this was one of those inspirational moments for me. Families were dancing. The decades old guitar…ancient and full of scratches, rust, and wear, was still somehow sending out smooth and well-tuned notes. And I noticed how much effort the band was putting in to creating each song, staying in time with one another, reading cues, and making this feel like their only show…not one of many on their tour.

That experience, along with many others, has inspired me to be more ‘musical’. And I’ve created some habits to make sure that happens…because for me, it creates happiness, and it brings me closer to that passionate way of living. It’s actually really simple. Why not try to do more of the things we like doing?

Having Matilda around has totally brought light to this. The kid is always living in the moment, and as the innocence and naivety of childhood provides, simply doing the things she really wants to be doing. It’s of course a balance for us parents to allow as much of that as possible, while also showing boundaries and limitations. This seems to be a conversation I’m having everyday now. And I absolutely love it!

I feel strongly though that in order to harness your passion…to secure it and hold it for future access…you must act immediately, or soon after your inspirational experience. We have so many thoughts. So many distractions. You need to make sure to somehow follow through on your experience. This could be as simple as going home and writing a journal entry about your thoughts and feelings, and tying that in to your goals. It could be setting up another date with that person. Maybe it’s buying your first guitar. Starting to exercise more. Or starting a business! Whatever it is, use your passion as a catalyst. It will help propel you to happiness and an inspirational life that is actually tailor fit for you! It’s like being your own life coach.

Do you ever say, ‘that would be fun’, or ‘I should do that’, but then find that you have reasons or excuses or distractions that get in the way? Just the simple awareness of your thoughts surrounding this will prove to be very helpful. And I’ve said this before…mindfulness and meditation are amazing tools…especially when it comes to self-awareness. Once you are aware, you can start creating everyday habits that are directly linked to what you truly want. I believe in using routines and habits to instill these values…especially if you’re an old dog learning new tricks. I’ll share some of the routines that help me in another post.

The next time you feel emotional, passionate, truly inspired…go be it!

What does inspire you…and how do you find it in your every day? Don’t let it slip away!

born and raised

Posted on February 8, 2018February 8, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence’ – Thich Nhat Hanh

Music: I would say Justin Vernon is somewhat of a musical genius. His band, Bon Iver, is pretty special. Click HERE to listen while you read!

What does it take to raise our children properly? And when are they ‘raised’? How can we measure what we’ve done…what they’ve done…and decide if they’ve grown up, succeeded…if we’ve succeeded as parents?

I think about this a lot. And I’m always trying to gather answers from books (just finished ‘Duct Tape Parenting, and I loved ‘Parenting without Borders’…check my reading list HERE), and other parents, and family. Parenting is unique and intriguing. We’re all just trying to do what we think is best, and use what we believe to be, the most effective strategies in order to prepare our children for the future. Do we employ methods our parents used that proved to help us, and that left us with happy memories? Do we fall into inevitable patterns and behaviors that we swore to ourselves we’d never practice?

With the fact that I’m only 4 years into parenting, new experiences, and questions, and trial and error, have been frequently arising. It’s forced me (or allowed me) to strengthen my opinions regarding methods, search deeper for more understanding, and laugh when I catch myself thinking I’ve figured it all out. I have figured out a little actually, and have gathered some ideas I believe in:

Circle of Elephants

Our children do best with a strong support structure around them. We as parents can fulfill the immediate needs of our kids. But we can’t do it all. This is the ‘it takes a village’ idea. There are so many obstacles and challenges in our children’s future. There are many hyenas trying to get at our baby elephants. Our community is where we can find and select our other elephants that will create a circle around our calf.

Matilda with her Aunt McCall

We should look to our relatives, our friends, our schools, our neighbors, our church, our coaches and others that we trust to be part of our network. I think this is such a healthy way to ‘use’ people. And immediately that term brings up a host of negative connotations. However, along with a love, companionship, trust, and reverence we have for these folks around us, we can also simply appreciate that they all offer wonderful and diverse perspectives, beneficial for raising our kids. If this is a consideration of yours, you’ll be able to ‘use’ their help. And especially as the children grow older, they’ll hopefully see some individuals in the circle as mentors, and will be able to access them on their own.

Math

There are 168 hours in a week. How much time did you spend last week in the immediate presence of your child? I mention ‘immediate presence’ because I feel strongly about our proximity, and accessibility, and availability to our children. We can’t be home, but removed. Nearby but inaccessible. And we can’t just rely on our Circle of Elephants, before we’ve created a strong, healthy pack at home.

Matilda’s seedlings are fragile but resilient

My daughter, Matilda was born prematurely, and needed to stay at the hospital for a month or so. Fortunately, the hospital she was delivered in (Catholic Medical Center), was practicing ‘couplet care’. This is an evidence based best practice in maternity care, encouraging the mother and baby to be as close and together as much as possible during their stay. I’m guessing the research and evidence with Dads is lacking…I don’t see much. And from my perspective as a single Dad, I’m starting to notice more discrepancies and cultural norms and interesting gender roles like that still present in today’s world. With that said, I still attempted to be as close to Matilda as possible, for as much time as possible…even so close as practicing ‘skin-to-skin’ contact when able, in order to strengthen our bond and concentrate on that connection.

Maybe we could consider Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule, in which he proposes that we need to practice something for 10,000 hours in order to achieve mastery. Maybe if we are around our children for that many hours…they will be ‘raised’! You see, I try to think of standard time with our children as addition. Just add up the hours. However, I believe in somewhat of a multiplier option. The closer you are to your children…the more multiplication is happening. Some might see this as ‘attachment parenting’. And by the way, the definitions for that mostly speak of a closeness for mother and child…doesn’t mention as much on Dads…there’s something wrong with that!

Anyhow, during the earlier stages of the child’s life, it’s even more exponential. I think we can make a single hour become 1.1 or 1.2 hours with this practice. Another way to multiply is to think of the intensity of the experience

together. This can be emotionally or physically. Think about if you went rock climbing with your child for an hour…and compare that to playing Angry Birds with them for an hour. This significance of the experience is multiplied on out. Be careful though, a once-a-month movie date does not compete with 30 days of dinner at the table together. It doesn’t add up.

If we are around our kids for an hour before school, and lets say three hours after…is that enough? 4 hours in a given day? Let’s also say we spend more time with them on the weekend…maybe 10 hours per day. So 20 hours on a weekend, and 20 total during the week. That’s 40 hours out of the 168 available. This is obviously a very general estimate…maybe way low or way high for you. But I would guess it’s close to average. Is it enough? Is that enough time for us to reach our goals as parents? Is it enough to raise our kids properly?

This, for me, brings in the question of schools or daycare. If a child is on the bus, at school/daycare, attending an after school activity for 8 hours a day/ 40 hours a week…that’s the same amount of time that we are spending on them…investing in them ourselves. It must be stated that we are placing a huge responsibility…an immense pressure…on those institutions we send our children to. At the same time, we as parents are holding a tremendous amount of trust and faith in these people and places.

Matilda made this at her pre-school.

I’ve been to school. I’ve found amazing teachers and mentors. I’ve had some bad ones. Some helped me overcome obstacles, and challenged me, and helped me grow. Some seemed out to lunch, cold, unavailable. I’ve also taught high school English, and held other positions at schools. I wonder if I was ever ‘out to lunch’. Oh no! There were definitely moments when I was! Sorry kids. And parents. I only say this because I’m not sure we think enough about how our kids time is spent, if our teachers are amazing…incentivized and rewarded to be such, if the administration allows that. “It’s a good school district,” is what I hear from many parents…but I often wonder where that came from and if they truly know what’s happening for the 40 hours a week…if their situation is truly the best use of that time. It’s such a hard question. And what are our options? Moving, private schooling, homeschooling, unschooling? Maybe it’s as simple as having that conversation with the teacher that you’ve been meaning to have. I think these are all worth exploring.

What are your best tips for parenting? What are the books or films that have helped you the most? Do you have a circle of elephants? Please comment, share, post, and follow if you like!

All love!

Not in my locker room

Posted on February 6, 2018February 6, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people’

– Woolf

originally published on March 10, 2017.

Two days ago, on March 8, we celebrated International Women’s Day. It spurred up a lot of appreciation I have for all of the women in my life. I thought back to the great grandmothers and grandmothers I used to have in my life. They were all so awesome and admirable, and provided such valuable insights. Their lives seemed to span such wide timelines and generations, soaking up all of the wisdom and knowledge from wherever they roamed. Just looking at them, you could see that they were ‘holders’ of all that information…like ancient stones among us, that have rolled a little bit of everywhere. And like the trunks of trees, sturdy and unwavering, while the rest of us stemming from them, sway and swerve up in the wind. They maintained such a stoic and solid form, but now I recognize that they also put up with more stuff than warranted, and were just able to maintain that loving, caring, gentle ‘Grammy’ status when I was around. I miss them.

I’m also so lucky to have such a great mom that lives nearby, and 4 sisters that I appreciate. I remember growing up…dad would be at work…and I’d look around thinking, really? All these girls around? I can’t watch another dance recital of my younger sisters on VHS. I can’t pretend I’m in the band Heart anymore with my older sister. I wish I had all brothers! Well, that was just a short phase sis’s, and I can’t be more grateful to have gone through all that. It has provided a wonderful foundation…a unique perspective…and a specific tide that has carried me through to today.

Right before my daughter was born, I remember some folks asking if I was hoping for a boy…if I was looking forward to playing catch with him…teaching him basketball (the sport that has been central to my life since college). While all those experiences sounded great, I never really had that urge, and at the time I didn’t know why. I could tell that many dads to be, or new dads…were really into that, and couldn’t wait to have a junior around. And I don’t think I ever voiced that I wanted a girl over a boy, or even articulated that in my thoughts. It was more of a subtle pull, and maybe a feeling that I’d be better prepared for a girl. Not sure why at that moment it wasn’t completely clear that growing up with four sisters might help when having a daughter. But it did. And when I found out ‘it’s a girl’, I felt like Poppy when it’s HUG TIME!

Having a daughter has led me to consider new ideas, and think about equality within the sexes. Should my daughter have the same opportunities as boys her age? Should she be able to make the same amount of money for the same job that a male works? Should she be comfortable and free to be strong, outspoken, or even radical? Damn right she should. Go do it girl!

Matilda…working on her L’s…for ‘radicaL’

This week, I heard a woman speaking of the ‘locker room talk’ subject that was such a focus during this past year’s election. I have to say this…when that term was used, I (being a man) felt generalized…grouped into this stereotype of all men that talk about women like that to other men…in areas like locker rooms. Since then, I haven’t heard any guy dispute that. I have not gone looking online. I’m sure those guys are out there. I forgot about it for a while, but then hearing it again this week gave me the nudge to finally get it out.

We don’t all talk like that. Guys don’t just leisurely use that language when women aren’t around…at least guys that are in my circle. Of course different social environments bring out a variety within our language. Just as I remember speaking differently when walking in to Grammy’s house. But I just have to speak for myself here…and make it clear that I’m not in that group. I don’t talk like that…and that doesn’t happen here. Not in my locker room.

By the way, I have some reading recommendations for this topic. Last year, I read ‘We should all be Feminists’, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. It’s a great essay, directly calling to keep feminism alive, and recognize the injustices in our current landscape. A couple of weeks ago, I read ‘Men explain things to me’, by Rebecca Solnit. This is a collection of 7 essays, some of them full of hard to read statistics…and all of them helpful in understanding gender inequalities.

Part 2:

On a lighter note, if I had a locker room…music would be there. Music has been a huge part of my every day in the past year or so. For some reason, I had put it away for a while. It was something for the car, or for exercise, or mowing the lawn. But it wasn’t a focus. More recently, I’ve been exploring music, learning about, diving in, looking for connections, trying to play it myself, finding more emotional responses, and constantly searching for artists to appreciate more of. It’s opened up a whole new world for me and I can’t get enough. Click HERE to listen to an artist that I think has ‘it’.

What do I mean by ‘it’? What does Shakey have that others don’t? What comes to mind for me is the ability to convey the original message or thoughts into the final product. In other words, an artist has ideas, thoughts and feelings and creates something related to that. However, sometimes with the tools at hand (voice, guitar, paintbrush, camera, etc.), that message may change…may be lost in translation. And the final product, presented as a song, a poem, a painting…may not get at the original scope. In this song…this performance…I feel that everything is brought out. The sounds and words feel sifted through the artists own strainer. Filtered and processed with all the right tools, at the right pace, and with all the perspective that only this artist can provide.

Maybe it’s just an authenticity that I recognize, or a genuineness felt. My words are what I feel about the art…but I cannot know the artists true desire or goals for a piece. When I was younger, I used to try to ‘figure out’ a lot of songs, and always wondered, what are they really saying here, what are they going through that made them create this, who is this meant for??? What I’ve come to realize, and what I really love about art though, is that it’s all about how it makes me feel. It’s that simple. I think the art is simply what the artist was feeling at that given moment. Song lyrics aren’t all true or real life, they’re not all attached to one person, and I don’t think it’s fair for the observer to determine the original meaning of the piece. We can only guess. I’ve found a much deeper connection by simply trying to ‘feel’ a song or a painting, not trying to necessarily define it.

Anyway, I hope you feel it like I do!