sharing – Page 3

always be closing

Posted on February 21, 2018February 21, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘thoughts are great…but action leads to closing’

A.B.C.

I must admit it…my house is a mess! And…I just cleaned up that area. How does it already look like a storm hit it?

I have to confess…I’ve started a thousand projects around here, and about 999 of them still seem ‘under construction’.

I should accept it. I have a problem. Actually many, but I’ll start with this one and see if I can find closure with it.

I peg myself as really good at coming up with ideas. I have journals and sheets and post it notes collected with a bunch of random ideas. These can be related to business, the house, relationships, professional development, investments, blah blah blah. Most of my ideas are bad. However, I believe that while coming up with many poor ideas…and documenting them…I’m bound to come up with a good one here and there. It’s almost like I come up with 99 bad ideas for every one diamond in the rough. It’s a low shooting percentage but hey, if you don’t shoot you can’t score.

I do feel strongly about documenting by the way. If you don’t put your thoughts and ideas and goals down on paper, or somewhere digitally, they’ll just float around in your head, and possible float out of your head for good. Once you put them somewhere, you can make space in your head for developing that idea or adding interest to it…or coming up with another one. Find yourself a cool journal, even a good expensive one. It’s investing in your own brain/goals/ideas. And it will encourage you to put good use to it, and hold value in your own beliefs.

So I’m good with all that stuff. My interests are many. I’m quick to jump into things and just try something. I love learning anything new. However…I’m not good with following the practice of the phrase, ‘Always Be Closing’. This phrase is from the 1992 drama film called Glengarry Glen Ross, in which the character played by Alec Baldwin encourages some of the other characters to close deals within their sales work. Watch out for bad language, but here is a great clip from the movie. Look…it’s a very shallow message in regards to simply making more money above all else, and disregarding things like being a good dad, or being kind. However, it struck a chord with me in how it can relate to the idea of completing something. And this is what I have trouble with. As I said, I can start a bunch of projects. But I never seem to finish many of them.

This weekend, I had a task that I wanted to complete. The ramps in my landscape trailer have to be lifted in and mounted to the inside walls for transportation. Well, I’ve always had this crap system of a cheap eye-hook and bungee chords to hold them in place. Boring I know…bear with me. This system has bothered me for about 5 years. I can’t believe that! I’ve spoken about it, wrote down ideas, sworn at it many times…but never really done anything about it. Well on Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I came up with a plan, went to the hardware store for materials, and put in a new ramp mounting system. It was actually pretty easy! On Sunday, I found myself putting all of my tools back in their proper place, sweeping up the garage floor of all debris, and wiping down my workbench with a cleaner and paper towels. I suddenly thought, ‘Oh my…I’ve actually completed something, and I’m in the very final stage of cleaning up the mess associated with it. I never do this!’ I’m telling you…it felt so good. I immediately thought about ‘Always Be Closing’, and the benefits related to that. I thought about Casey Neistat, and how he has those words tattooed on his arm. He actually dedicated an entire Vlog to this idea. Watch it here!

Neistat says that if you start a bunch of things and don’t finish them, you’re a loser. That’s me…how sad. Someone who starts something and always finishes it is a closer. That’s not me. My new focus is to become more of a closer. I must bring my ideas to fruition…see them through to their fullest potential. I’m on it. By closing, and completing something, we are able to reap the rewards related to our project. After dealing with annoyance of the ramp system in my trailer for 5 years, and halfheartedly poking at it here and there with temporary repairs, no wonder I felt so good about putting smart and hard work to it and having it completed.

Closing leads to you feeling much more productive.

Closing frees up space in your head for other, more important ideas.

Closing encourages intellect and hard work over complaining and hoping.

Closing leads to more appreciation instead of expectation.

Don’t be a loser…be a closer!

Organization

A.B.C. totally relates to keeping our lives organized too. This is an area that I struggle with, and one that I’ll be putting some more focus into. When you come home…with a bunch of things in your hands…maybe a bag or two…and pockets full of receipts and change and hair clips (for some reason, I always find myself here)…do you put everything away in it’s designated spot? What I usually do is pile it onto my dining room table. It’s flat, easy to access, and I won’t need the table until about 5:30pm. That’s not closing. That’s losing! The worst is when I’ve put together a nice dinner and I go to bring plates to the table for Matilda and I, to find my loser pile in the way. Worst!

I do have all of the designated places for things. I have a file cabinet with nicely labeled folders, a piggy bank in the living room, a cup in the bathroom for Matilda’s hair clips. I just don’t follow that step of putting things directly into their proper place. And this is key. If you hired someone to come ‘organize your house’ or your life, a main thread would be to immediately place things into their position. Put them in their home. Look at your computer desk, your kitchen counters, the desktop on your computer…even your email inbox. Are you organized? I’ve started trying to get to a totally empty email inbox as often as possible. This entails creating simple folders, unsubscribing from all of the crap, deleting as soon as possible, and once a day, taking care of pertinent messages. It relieves so much stress for me to have a clean slate. But I need to work on the more ‘physical’ areas of my life…and organize those. I want to finish more projects on my to do list…not just start them. I don’t want to be a loser anymore…I want to be a closer! Please comment if you’ve found effective ways of ‘closing’ in your own life.

thoughts are great…but action leads to closing!

Music: Blind Pilot is an Oregon based band. They use interesting instruments like a mountain dulcimer, vibraphone, and a harmonium. Here’s a great one called New York.

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i’m no different than you

Posted on February 20, 2018February 20, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

‘just my thoughts man – right or wrong…just what I was feeling at the time’ – Jay Z

We cannot really judge one another, or blame one another for our thoughts and opinions. It is honestly best to forgive someone for ideas you disagree with. Best to appreciate their perspective. Taking this approach broadens your own perspective, and allows you to employ a broader scope…a wider lens.

I once heard a line related to this, and it’s surfaced often when thinking about others…and our differences. It basically says that ‘you would do exactly what any other person does…behave in the same exact manner…had you been born to their parents, in the place they were raised, and brought up the same way’. I’m not sure where I heard this. Maybe it just came to me. Actually, I’ll just go ahead and claim it as mine right now! However simple it may be, it has provided me with a moral integrity in which I believe we’re all on the same level playing field.

Here is a healthy practice for you to try: think of a child living in a very different situation and place than what you have…preferably a child in a different culture, different socio-economic situation…something almost ‘opposite’ of you. Then consider the fact that this child could have been you! What if you were born there? Had to walk in those shoes? In that climate? This consideration has helped me develop a better understanding of others, and has led to less judgement. It’s allowed me to listen more effectively. It’s let me submit to others, and forgive, and appreciate.

This can sound like a weak position. Always submitting to others, and forgiving when people hurt me, or bring adversity to my life? Won’t that just lead to people steam rolling over me and using me as a doormat? No. Believe it or not, giving up control and judgement has given me a stronger sense of who I am. Instead of wasting so much energy on trying to control others, and situations, to no avail…I maintain a positive mindset, and often frame a response in my mind with the phrase ‘Is that so?’ This provides a position where almost nothing can knock me off course, regardless of the strength of the tides. I acknowledge the potential storm. I maintain the secure and reliable mast, and calmly set the main sail. Then I begin wayfinding through the tempest. I feel like Maui…with Moana at my side!

I once feared different ideas and opinions, opposite of my own. I was once intimidated by others who stood for values other than mine. This fear is what I believe to be one of the obstacles between groups not seeing eye to eye. And considering how many of us often fear the unknown, it may not even be a conscious wall we’re constructing within our minds. A natural cascading and compounding of negative or fear-filled thoughts can build, without us being aware. It’s as if within our typical day, during our tasks, we mindlessly grab a brick and place it on an arbitrary line. When the day is done, we’ve put up a faulty facade…a sloppy screen between ourselves and others. It gives you a false sense of security, and you may be proud of where you stand and what you’ve built. But the wall was constructed on careless judgement, weak mortar mix, an uneven foundation…not deliberate decisions, mindful masonry, on a level, compacted cornerstone.

I’ve already blogged some about being aware of our own thoughts, and the benefits of thinking positive. Here is a post related to that. This awareness will help to clean up your rubble if you have some, and strengthen your position and security without the need of a wall. What’s the best way to find that awareness? Start meditating. And start being mindful of your thoughts and reactions to different subjects. It takes practice like anything else. But with a little training, you’ll find yourself on a journey filled with happiness and contentment. Your shoulder may soften with the chip removed, allowing others a better landing to lean on.

One final thought that I think of often is ‘how do i make other people feel?’ At the end of our short time in this place, this question may be central to how successful our time was actually invested. This is of course difficult to know, as we can’t totally understand how others feel about us. And it’s less about what others ‘think’ of us…more about the kindness, support, generosity, and acceptance that we provide…hopefully leading to a comfort and security felt by the people around us. I believe a good, healthy self check-in is to ask yourself ‘how am I making other people feel?’

You feel me?

Music: Here is an oldie but a goodie from The Lumineers. The band leader’s wife told him he was like the Dead Sea…that she’ll never sink when he’s with her…and he wrote a song including this sentiment. How romantic.

emailsig

en-tre-pre-neur

Posted on February 18, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

originally published on 5/12/17

‘the most dangerous thing you can do in life is play it safe’ – Casey Neistat

Sit down. Don’t talk. Raise your hand. Stay in line. Don’t be late. Quiet down. Put that away. Share. Read this. Watch that. You can eat now. Play like this. Don’t speak out. Settle down. Be prepared.

This is what our kids are told…time and time again. What must become slowly and steadily ingrained is the idea that they should all conform, follow the crowd, learn how everyone else does, choose a career, spend a lot of money to study within that field with a college education, find a company to work for, and work…so that you can afford things like a car and a house and a latte…then, they will be successful.

Are we introducing and exposing our children to enough entrepreneurial ideas to truly let them know about other options they may have? At Concord High School, I can remember one single unit within I believe an Economics class. Mr. Denoncourt worked so hard with us to help us pronounce the word en-tre-pre-neur. I said it wrong until college. I don’t remember a single thing from that unit we studied however…but I’m sure it was thorough in explaining the option for citizens to…yippee! start your own business! You could make and sell cookies with your mom, or you could design a t-shirt, and sell it out of the trunk of your car. I’m sure the text book detailed some of the easier fields to enter as a business starter, like construction, landscaping, or dog walking. I’m sure one of the bolded subject headings was ‘be your own boss’, and we probably discussed as a class the pros and cons to running your own company. Mr Denoncourt was genuine in his efforts, I am sure. But all I remember is äntrəprəˈnər.

Considering the loyalty once involved in working for a company, and the lack of commitment and loyalty in present times, we owe it to our kids to expose them to more. One unit is not enough. I’m sure there was more within my high school curriculum and I just missed it…I was in a fog most of the time. But I know there wasn’t enough.

Years ago, one could be very secure in choosing a company to work for, sticking with that job for many years, and then retiring with a good sized pension to ride off into the sunset with. It is not the same today. It’s predicted that our youngest workers will hold around 12-15 jobs in their lifetime. It’s also commonly noted that the average worker will make 5-7 career changes during there career. It is simply a very different workplace.

Speak out. Hustle. Grind. Don’t sleep. Find a loophole. Challenge authority. Follow your gut. The time is right now. Make your own line to stand in. You are creative. Develop grit. Ask more questions. Better questions. Come up with ideas. More than that. Start something now. Take the risk. Don’t seek comfort. Don’t listen to me. Do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it.

What if these were some ideas we showered our kids with? That’s it…I’m starting a school, and the paragraph above will serve as the uncommon core curriculum. The mission statement will have to be, ‘do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it’. When I step back and think, that phrase can simply define success like no other. Children and adults alike could find so much happiness and success by first searching, finding, discovering, and identifying their own passions and loves…and then working, playing, and living within those areas as much as possible. I’m not sure our schools, our communities, our parents, our culture is set up for that.

I want my daughter Matilda to know that there are many paths. And that she has many choices. She’ll be able to pronounce entrepreneur this year. I’m going to introduce her to my uncommon curriculum…though I might leave out the do whatever you want part for now. I’m still figuring this parenting thing out. She will though, be able to dream something up, take a risk, and even fail, knowing that she’ll have help to get up and find a different way.

In the short term, we’re starting a small farm stand called The Grower’s Daughter. Matilda is very excited about this. She’ll be selling some plants we started from seed, some breads that we made, cookies, vegetables and honey in the Fall, and whatever else comes to mind. The Grand Opening is tomorrow from 11-1pm at our house…so please stop by to say hello! I’m hoping that this new adventure will play a small part in helping her develop some skills, passion, and even some hustle.

Music: Here is a beautiful song called Cherry Wine by Hozier. It actually raised awareness and funds for domestic violence. Enjoy!

37

Posted on February 2, 2018February 2, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

originally published on February 24, 2017.

‘With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come’ -Shakespeare

Today is my birthday. I am 37 years old. Let me repeat so that it I can let it sink in some more…Today, I am 37 years old.

I’m writing today, simply because I feel the urge to. I have been feeling this for a while now. It has led me to write some songs, put notes down in journals, and to create many ‘ideas’ in my head. These ideas are simple thoughts and concepts…every day occurrences that linger longer than I would expect. Maybe they are experiences that I initially feel are unique. But over time I realize they are somewhat arbitrary, probably common, but intriguing to me nonetheless. They seem to be connective in nature, and hopefully beneficial for myself and others to reflect on.

You see, as the numbers in the label of my age get higher in value (and as my mom always say’s, I still feel very young) something has crept in. It’s a subtle and slow effect happening, a compounding of occurrences, a collection of pictures or songs in my head, a thread of themes being woven, and a group of people in the mass that I’ve been lucky to meet.

Every so often, a moment arises when I think, oh…that’s why that person came into my life…and that’s why I read that book then…and that song is attached to that memory…that is why I had to struggle and find hardship there…and that person was beautiful, but couldn’t remain in my life…and I’m grateful for that…and around that time, I found those amazing coconut macaroons at that hip coffee shop with all those great smells!

Breathe.

Reflecting on all of this, I’m so proud to have this awareness and acceptance. And I’ve found it through others. Every person I’ve met…I can think back to something they’ve said, or a look they gave, or even a harsh reality they presented that I didn’t appreciate at the time. Today, I’m saying thank you for all of that.

More recently, I’ve been reading a lot. Everyone should do this. It’s strengthened the webs that were formed in my life – into cables that can’t be broke (referring to the old Spanish proverb that applies to habits). I appreciate all of the writers, and then all of the musicians, artists, and other ‘creators’ for the bravery of putting it out there…for letting it go…letting it be ‘ours’…and for sharing what was once only yours.

At this moment, I am not entirely sure why I’m sharing this small piece of writing. In a way, it feels a bit presumptuous. And who am I to share what was once only a tide of mine? This is where I respect that bravery of what others have done.

On the other hand, today is my birthday, an anniversary of the day I was born…the day my collection began, and the day the first webs began to spool in and out.

I am so entirely sure of why I’m sharing this!

Everything and everyone in my life up to this moment has led me to this. It’s not on me…it’s on you!

So thank you.

Make sure to be aware of your ‘threads’…your webs…your coconut macaroons.

I’ve found it to be…tasty.

james

sandwiches and kids

Posted on January 22, 2018January 22, 2018 by jimmy thorpe

Jimmy 12

‘modeling good behavior has 10x the influence of all that talking, the kids are watching’

How do we make good behaviors stick with our children? I’ve been ‘head down’ focused on this a lot lately. I have a 4 year old. There are constantly new behaviors bubbling up…good and bad. I’m doing my best to be really aware…noticing what’s working, and what’s not on the parenting front.

Model. First and foremost, I’ll say that I continue to be amazed at how much my daughter notices my behavior…and how important it is for me to model the good stuff. All the research backs this up as well. Your child is watching what you do more than listening to what you say.

To me, it seems that modeling good behavior has 10x the influence of all that talking.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m communicating and explaining and clarifying all the time. It’s just that the old adage, ‘actions speak louder than words’ is the truth. We can’t tell our child to walk away from a fight if they watch us bump chests and instigate.

Honey over Vinegar. When we do talk, it’s so important to focus on our children’s strengths…not their weaknesses. All too often, parents are hounding on the mistakes, over-talking the accidents, and holding their child back from their full potential. For the most part, once an individual knows that a mistake was made, and the message to ‘try not to do that again’ is conveyed…all the extra, negative reinforcement is just that. Obviously, each situation is unique, and the severity of the behavior needs to be considered. For the everyday ‘small stuff’ though, keep the glass half full.

Focusing on the good behaviors, has such a refreshing and compounding effect. By taking the extra time to really look your child in the eyeballs, and tell them again how kind and caring that desired behavior was, you’ll continue to invite more of it.

Last week, my daughter exhibited some really good awareness and empathy surrounding a best friend that was having some trouble. She actually asked a separate friend to run and get something that would help the situation…then, they all figured it out together. I was so happy and proud about this, and almost couldn’t believe that my 4 year old constructed this. But instead of just thinking about this, or telling my peers, I’ve deliberately paused with Matilda, grabbed her attention, looked her in the eye, and explained how and why that was such a great thing for her to do. I’ve actually done it twice to really let her know that this is the good stuff.

Sandwiching. While focusing on the strengths and good behaviors, we can really make it stick by ‘sandwiching’ the experience with pre-teaching and reflection. Before our child is exposed to something, it’s good to get a bug in their ear first. This can give that little message that, ‘oh…dad told me that this might happen.’ It doesn’t necessarily mean that our child won’t make a mistake. In fact, we actually want them to make the mistake…it will help expedite the learning process and mitigate the effect of the ego. Yes! I used ‘expedite’ and ‘mitigate’ in the same sentence! So rewarding.

Our pre-teaching is also a trust-building practice, illustrating to our children that we do know a little something, and have been around the block a few times.

Now, this behavior that took place with my daughter wasn’t something that I necessarily could have planned for. I mean, I do talk about empathy and kindness with her, but the actual details of the event were too particular to pre-teach. I have to give myself some credit though, in that I have put effort into conversations surrounding helping others, and why that matters.

I think parents are too hard on themselves. I think they need to realize that they are much more than the sum of their parts.

With a more typical experience approaching in the future, parents can really hone in on the related behaviors.

If a best friend is coming over for a play date, we can relay the message to our child that the friend will want to use all of the toys. Sharing is going to come up. Let’s do that…huh?

Then, as we all know, our child will rip something from their besties’ innocent little paws. Crying and arguing may commence…and we should really do our best to let this play out…to see what kind of results are reached…to allow problems to be solved. This is the socialization that we’re hoping for. And boy, will these same issues come up more and more as they age. Let them work it out if possible! It’s ok if feelings get hurt…we learn a lot when we find ourselves in unwanted emotional states. Again, this is within reason.

Remember though, we have to use the ‘reflection’ piece after the experience takes place. This can’t be while your kid is on the tablet, or watching a show It can’t be during the actual argument that they just had with their friend either. This is best done after some time has passed, once the friend has gone home…or during a break in the action.

Eye contact is key. Deliberate, honest words presented with love and care. Not judgment and belittlement. Think support and education and growth…not placement and insults and punishment.

There can be an ‘I told you so’ aspect to this reflection piece, because you actually did tell them so in the pre-teaching phase…ugh, the nerve! As much as you may want to use this…don’t. The lesson will naturally come to them through your discussion of what transpired. This reflection can build trust as well, depending on how you handle it. Let it be positive, bucket filling, and hold good karma. It’s not measurable, and it may return in unforeseen manifestations…but boy, does it matter.

Remember, after all this talking to your kid about the practice of letting others use their stuff, your child will be 10x more influenced by how you yourself actually share and help others.

How are you doing with that?

All love!

Jimmy Thorpe

emailsig