When we do more than we think (more actions with less pondering), we create the paths that we choose to walk down. We make our own life happen, the way we want it to…the way that is most tailored for who we are deep down to the core. We live, and die on our own sword.
Take this fictional story as an example: 33 year old mom of two boys, Julie…wants to start her own jelly business. She’s passionate about the strawberry jelly she makes at home. Her family loves it. She wants to start selling it online, to get it to as many folks as possible, and to create another stream of income for the family. Her job as an elementary school teacher doesn’t provide her with the income that she really desires.
Julie tells her coworker (John) about her business idea at lunch break. John says, ‘yeah that sounds fun, but I don’t think I’d ever buy jelly over the internet.’
Julie then tells her boss Stacey (the principal at her school), who she is really friendly with. Stacey says, ‘It’s a good idea, but I tried selling candles online….and it didn’t really amount to much. It’s harder than it looks.’
I hope you can identify with Julie. She is really passionate and interested in her idea, but the two people that she thought would encourage her the most to go do it…actually shot her idea down. Now, if Julie is thick-skinned, and loves a ‘chip on her shoulder’ attitude, she can use it to motivate her even more so. But most of us would start second guessing our idea, thinking, ‘maybe it is too hard to sell online…I’m not sure people will buy my jelly after all’. Before you know it, Julie has put the recipe, canning jars, and label maker in the back of the cabinet.
John and Stacey aren’t to blame for this. If we went back and told them how Julie felt after speaking to them, they’d probably say that they didn’t mean to deter her at all…she probably caught them at a tough time during the day…and they actually really believe in Julie’s business idea…of course she should do it! They were telling stories that they thought would be valuable to Julie, knowing what to expect when she does do it.
This story illustrates the fact that we often put our hopes and dreams in the hands of others. And we often choose people who aren’t necessarily ready to accept, and then motivate us in a way that’s tailor made for us. We’re actually expecting too much from others when we do that. We look to others (who aren’t even aware by the way) to inspire and motivate us…to encourage our ideas. That’s just a losing mentality.
I understand wanting to tell people what your up to. It’s realistic that we’re going to socialize and share what’s top of mind. But we need to be totally cognizant of what’s going on, in order to not get discouraged about our own ideas. We need to be the one in control.
If Julie is like most people, when her husband asks her about that business she wanted to start, she’ll now have excuses and blame to be placed…both of which have nothing to do with her own self. She may even start complaining more about her co-workers, and the fact that she doesn’t have enough money, and that the government makes it too hard to start businesses where she lives, and that learning to be tech savvy, and to figure out social media branding takes way too long and isn’t worth it.
Because of what someone else said, and how they seemed to feel about it, she now isn’t going to follow up on her idea. So sad! Do you see how Julie isn’t truly in control of her own life? She’s now dying on John and Stacey’s sword!
What Julie could have done, had she considered doing more than thinking, is create an Etsy and Pinterest account and start tinkering with the sites, realizing which would be best for her. After a couple of hours, she’d be savvy enough to post simple pictures and text.
She could have brainstormed a simple and catchy business name, and created an interesting logo for her brand.
She might have researched prices and locations for strawberries and sugar, and jars and labels, in order to find the most affordable way of getting a jar totally ready for the market.
She could have created a Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat account for her jelly, so that she’d be able to get the attention of others with her brand.
She may have called 15 local food, garden, and furniture stores, asking if her jelly could be sold there.
She even could have started her own podcast…recording episodes mostly focused on everything jelly!
By the way, with today’s technology and opportunity, she could have done all of this on her laptop or phone while lying in bed wearing pajamas!
And I have a funny feeling that if she had done all of this, and then went and told her co-workers, it would be a totally different conversation and outcome. And even if the conversation was similar, the confidence and self-esteem Julie built up through her work, would allow her to smirk at the otherwise discouraging words said by John and Stacey.
This Julie isn’t complaining or blaming. She’s using all of her time and energy to do more. She’s putting it all into her jelly business. And guess who’s sword she’s living and dying on now? Her own sword.
As much as I don’t want her to die, let’s look at how that actually is a possibility:
If we have to guts to live a life on our own terms, we must consider the fact that we will die that way too. I respect and believe in that meritocracy all the way. We can’t have it one way, and not the other.
Look, Julie’s jelly might actually suck. Maybe her family is spitting it out, or passing it to the dog under the table, and they’re too nice to be honest with her about it. Julie could do all of this doing on the back of a crap product…and after the first round of sales, she’d die.
Or, maybe Julie isn’t kind. She doesn’t bring any value to the store owners that are carrying her product, she’s very hard to communicate with, and she doesn’t engage with any of her audience on the social media platforms. She’s going to die.
While the doing should be the baseline…the norm…other variables like quality, consistency, kindness, value, etc. will certainly play their part.
But remember, it feels so much better to die on your own sword than someone else’s. As you can see, all of the blaming and responsibility come back to you when you put this into practice. If your product didn’t work out how you anticipated that it would, it’s because of your own actions, or lack thereof. This shouldering of all of the responsibility is actually liberating, though it seems more like pressure. Again, along with the control or autonomy you desire to have your own business or live your own life…you must accept the meritocracy…and the fact that it all comes back to you, good or bad. Ultimate responsibility…ultimate freedom.
Now, if Julie’s jelly really does suck…all of that doing, experimenting, executing that she did, provided her with a foundation of data to sit on. All of the confidence and self-esteem and pride she has built up through the work, allows her a framework to adjust from. Look, businesses mostly don’t get it right the first time. Great businesses listen to the market, and adjust accordingly. Julie may need to change the recipe, the label, the jar. She may need to adjust her attitude, her kindness level, her methods of communication. This is where we either fail and we’re done (we die on our own sword)…or we fail, learn, adjust, try (wield our sword again), and then win!
To Do more than you think, means that you’re the one in control of your own destiny. You’re wielding your own sword. Your life isn’t happening to you…YOU are making your own life happen!
Now, sharpen up that sword…and get out there!