‘just my thoughts man – right or wrong…just what I was feeling at the time’ – Jay Z
We cannot really judge one another, or blame one another for our thoughts and opinions. It is honestly best to forgive someone for ideas you disagree with. Best to appreciate their perspective. Taking this approach broadens your own perspective, and allows you to employ a broader scope…a wider lens.
I once heard a line related to this, and it’s surfaced often when thinking about others…and our differences. It basically says that ‘you would do exactly what any other person does…behave in the same exact manner…had you been born to their parents, in the place they were raised, and brought up the same way’. I’m not sure where I heard this. Maybe it just came to me. Actually, I’ll just go ahead and claim it as mine right now! However simple it may be, it has provided me with a moral integrity in which I believe we’re all on the same level playing field.
Here is a healthy practice for you to try: think of a child living in a very different situation and place than what you have…preferably a child in a different culture, different socio-economic situation…something almost ‘opposite’ of you. Then consider the fact that this child could have been you! What if you were born there? Had to walk in those shoes? In that climate? This consideration has helped me develop a better understanding of others, and has led to less judgement. It’s allowed me to listen more effectively. It’s let me submit to others, and forgive, and appreciate.
This can sound like a weak position. Always submitting to others, and forgiving when people hurt me, or bring adversity to my life? Won’t that just lead to people steam rolling over me and using me as a doormat? No. Believe it or not, giving up control and judgement has given me a stronger sense of who I am. Instead of wasting so much energy on trying to control others, and situations, to no avail…I maintain a positive mindset, and often frame a response in my mind with the phrase ‘Is that so?’ This provides a position where almost nothing can knock me off course, regardless of the strength of the tides. I acknowledge the potential storm. I maintain the secure and reliable mast, and calmly set the main sail. Then I begin wayfinding through the tempest. I feel like Maui…with Moana at my side!
i am moanaaaaaaaaaa!
I once feared different ideas and opinions, opposite of my own. I was once intimidated by others who stood for values other than mine. This fear is what I believe to be one of the obstacles between groups not seeing eye to eye. And considering how many of us often fear the unknown, it may not even be a conscious wall we’re constructing within our minds. A natural cascading and compounding of negative or fear-filled thoughts can build, without us being aware. It’s as if within our typical day, during our tasks, we mindlessly grab a brick and place it on an arbitrary line. When the day is done, we’ve put up a faulty facade…a sloppy screen between ourselves and others. It gives you a false sense of security, and you may be proud of where you stand and what you’ve built. But the wall was constructed on careless judgement, weak mortar mix, an uneven foundation…not deliberate decisions, mindful masonry, on a level, compacted cornerstone.
I’ve already blogged some about being aware of our own thoughts, and the benefits of thinking positive. Here is a post related to that. This awareness will help to clean up your rubble if you have some, and strengthen your position and security without the need of a wall. What’s the best way to find that awareness? Start meditating. And start being mindful of your thoughts and reactions to different subjects. It takes practice like anything else. But with a little training, you’ll find yourself on a journey filled with happiness and contentment. Your shoulder may soften with the chip removed, allowing others a better landing to lean on.
One final thought that I think of often is ‘how do i make other people feel?’ At the end of our short time in this place, this question may be central to how successful our time was actually invested. This is of course difficult to know, as we can’t totally understand how others feel about us. And it’s less about what others ‘think’ of us…more about the kindness, support, generosity, and acceptance that we provide…hopefully leading to a comfort and security felt by the people around us. I believe a good, healthy self check-in is to ask yourself ‘how am I making other people feel?’
You feel me?
Music: Here is an oldie but a goodie from The Lumineers. The band leader’s wife told him he was like the Dead Sea…that she’ll never sink when he’s with her…and he wrote a song including this sentiment. How romantic.
‘the most dangerous thing you can do in life is play it safe’ – Casey Neistat
Sit down. Don’t talk. Raise your hand. Stay in line. Don’t be late. Quiet down. Put that away. Share. Read this. Watch that. You can eat now. Play like this. Don’t speak out. Settle down. Be prepared.
This is what our kids are told…time and time again. What must become slowly and steadily ingrained is the idea that they should all conform, follow the crowd, learn how everyone else does, choose a career, spend a lot of money to study within that field with a college education, find a company to work for, and work…so that you can afford things like a car and a house and a latte…then, they will be successful.
Are we introducing and exposing our children to enough entrepreneurial ideas to truly let them know about other options they may have? At Concord High School, I can remember one single unit within I believe an Economics class. Mr. Denoncourt worked so hard with us to help us pronounce the word en-tre-pre-neur. I said it wrong until college. I don’t remember a single thing from that unit we studied however…but I’m sure it was thorough in explaining the option for citizens to…yippee! start your own business! You could make and sell cookies with your mom, or you could design a t-shirt, and sell it out of the trunk of your car. I’m sure the text book detailed some of the easier fields to enter as a business starter, like construction, landscaping, or dog walking. I’m sure one of the bolded subject headings was ‘be your own boss’, and we probably discussed as a class the pros and cons to running your own company. Mr Denoncourt was genuine in his efforts, I am sure. But all I remember is äntrəprəˈnər.
Considering the loyalty once involved in working for a company, and the lack of commitment and loyalty in present times, we owe it to our kids to expose them to more. One unit is not enough. I’m sure there was more within my high school curriculum and I just missed it…I was in a fog most of the time. But I know there wasn’t enough.
Years ago, one could be very secure in choosing a company to work for, sticking with that job for many years, and then retiring with a good sized pension to ride off into the sunset with. It is not the same today. It’s predicted that our youngest workers will hold around 12-15 jobs in their lifetime. It’s also commonly noted that the average worker will make 5-7 career changes during there career. It is simply a very different workplace.
Speak out. Hustle. Grind. Don’t sleep. Find a loophole. Challenge authority. Follow your gut. The time is right now. Make your own line to stand in. You are creative. Develop grit. Ask more questions. Better questions. Come up with ideas. More than that. Start something now. Take the risk. Don’t seek comfort. Don’t listen to me. Do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it.
What if these were some ideas we showered our kids with? That’s it…I’m starting a school, and the paragraph above will serve as the uncommon core curriculum. The mission statement will have to be, ‘do whatever the #%@$ you want to do, whenever the #%@$ you want to do it’. When I step back and think, that phrase can simply define success like no other. Children and adults alike could find so much happiness and success by first searching, finding, discovering, and identifying their own passions and loves…and then working, playing, and living within those areas as much as possible. I’m not sure our schools, our communities, our parents, our culture is set up for that.
I want my daughter Matilda to know that there are many paths. And that she has many choices. She’ll be able to pronounce entrepreneur this year. I’m going to introduce her to my uncommon curriculum…though I might leave out the do whatever you want part for now. I’m still figuring this parenting thing out. She will though, be able to dream something up, take a risk, and even fail, knowing that she’ll have help to get up and find a different way.
In the short term, we’re starting a small farm stand called The Grower’s Daughter. Matilda is very excited about this. She’ll be selling some plants we started from seed, some breads that we made, cookies, vegetables and honey in the Fall, and whatever else comes to mind. The Grand Opening is tomorrow from 11-1pm at our house…so please stop by to say hello! I’m hoping that this new adventure will play a small part in helping her develop some skills, passion, and even some hustle.
‘rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth’ – Thoreau
Return on Investment:A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment.
I am always focusing on this word ‘efficiency’. Always considering methods that will streamline, or make things most economical. And while these thoughts are on my mind while sitting in the Edward Jones office, preparing to discuss my financial investment portfolio (saying that you have an investment portfolio sounds so pretentious!), I’m writing today and thinking about how this philosophy applies to other aspects of our daily lives.
We have a finite amount of time to be alive. There are so many things I want to do! I feel if I don’t somehow multiply or compound my interest and interests, I simply won’t be living to my potential…won’t be able to reach all of my goals…and won’t be able to have a complete, fulfilling, and successful day.
Considering all of the chaos and stress and fast pace of our lives, this sounds messy, and cramming, and overwhelming. You may be thinking, ‘Right…there aren’t enough hours within a day!’ And you may be ‘burning the wick at both ends’ as they say, and feeling like there’s no catching up. How could you even consider adding new items to your plate, or reaching for new heights on your success ladder. Well, it’s always wise to consider your r.o.i. first. And practicing mindfulness throughout will keep you balanced.
speak the truth
As I age, I find myself searching for the absolute honest truth within things…good or bad…just let me see what’s real. My skin is thicker now. The insecurities mitigated. I really don’t care about a lot of nonsense that once consumed me…and that frees up a lot of space to accept truth.
One great truth always being spoken to us is our health. At Thanksgiving, when we would go around the table and say what we were thankful for, some aunt or cousin, or niece’s boyfriend would always say they’re thankful for good health. That not even a thing! It doesn’t mean anything. It’s an arbitrary, general statement used to quickly get on to the next relative. That is what I thought anyway. When you, or someone close to you becomes unhealthy, injured, or simply older and aware of new limitations…you quickly understand the fortune of good health. Turns out, it is a thing.
That is why things like exercise and diet have such great returns on investments! They are honest and effective formulas leading to good health. If you jump into an intense training program and very strict diet tomorrow, the benefits and rewards of doing so will be amazing! It’s a very simple formula. Aha! But it’s very hard work to implement and maintain. Otherwise, we’d all be doing it.
I absolutely love the sport of basketball. It has given me returns that I never expected…introduced me to so many people that I cherish…allowed me to experience passion and fun and competition and challenge…and time and time again, it has been so very honest with me. I think this is what I now appreciate most about it. ‘You get out what you put in’, is a phrase that comes to mind. I had ‘practiced’ and ‘played’ the sport from time to time, but it wasn’t until I completely focused and dedicated myself to hours of tailored training, that I came to understand what came from hard work, and how to truly invest in something for myself. At one point, during the start of my college basketball career (you can read some more about this time here…on my ‘my story’ page), I decided to, on top of a bunch of strenuous training sessions, shoot 300 three pointers a day. Along with that, the coach asked each player to shoot 100 free throws a day. I think one other player and I were the only two that did this no excuses…7 days a week. This training…the consistent repetition of movements…the culture that came with always being near a basketball and a hoop…the camaraderie gained grinding out work with others…and the grit earned by winning hard fought physical battles on my own…instilled something in me that I hold dearly to this day. The actual shooting itself became somewhat automatic for me. Three pointers felt like free throws. Free throws felt like layups. I could feel a difference. And I was proud of my investment.
Basketball is where I found this. But you can find this honest earning of truth within a lot of activities. Learning how to play guitar is where I’ve found it most recently.
shopping cart 🛒
I don’t buy as many things as I used to. I scrutinize purchases now to no end. I sit and ruminate on whether or not I really need this item…really want it. I totally consider the r.o.i. that this item will bring me over time. Is this going to be trendy to me? Will I love it in 5 years? Can I use it for 2 years, and sell it for what I buy it for? I highly recommend doing this for any big ticket items you’re considering. Also remember, buying an ‘experience’ over a tangible item is more likely to be fulfilling. In this way, money can buy happiness. I still like buying ‘things’ here and there though. Here are some things I put in my shopping cart over the last couple of years:
road bicycle
electric guitar
trip to Disney
log splitter (for firewood)
brick and stone walkway
drone
motorcycle
proximity
Who are the people around you most? Are you investing in those that you appreciate and love? One of the most effective ways to find long term happiness is through your relationships with friends and family. It starts with you though. I’ve mentioned this before…’turn your expectations into appreciation’ is what Tony Robbins says, and it totally applies to all relationships. How do you keep yourself around the people you want to be around? One simple way to start is to get rid of the folks you don’t want to be around. We often have some people in our lives that empty our bucket. They are depleting. They take and don’t give back. And they are unhealthy for us. Life is too short. Value your time more, and stop spending it on folks like this. Once your standard is set, you’ll start noticing more bucket filling folks in your proximity.
‘a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for’ – William Shedd
Spontaneity. It was 1998. I was a senior in high school, and it was a school night. I was sleeping over my friends house though, and two other guys were staying over too. My host-friend suggests that because his mom is asleep (must have been 9 or 10pm), we should take her car and drive to Foxwoods Casino. We can have the car back before she wakes up, and even make it to school first thing in morning.
I was never spontaneous. I’d say I was nervous, shy, scared of the unknown, and therefore calculated and somewhat structured in my ways. When this journey to Connecticut from Concord, NH was brought up, I probably started asking, ‘well ok, how long does it take to get there? Do we all have enough money? How old do you have to be to enter a Casino…to gamble? What classes do we have in the morning, and what time do we have to be back…exactly? And that means we’ll have to leave Foxwoods to return at blah blah blah. I can see my friend smirking now…and telling me that none of that matters. We’re just going.
Somehow we actually did make it to Foxwoods and started gambling. When we were huddled around my friend at one of the tables as he was doing well, we noticed security guards in nice suits approaching. They split us up and asked us questions. Mostly about our age or birth dates. Then they told my friend to cash out on his winnings, and told us all to get lost. We got home in time to quietly push the car back into my friend’s garage, and sneak into his room as though we’d been there all night. His mom had to know. But she never showed it. We went to school on maybe a half hour of sleep. But the stories and excitement were enough to make that next day, one of the best days of my high school career. Today, as I did that day, I can reflect on the awesome feelings of freedom, bravery, risk, adrenaline, and a sense of brotherly love that this experience created for me.
I wish I figured out then that spontaneity was special. It was part of that experience. It was central to it, and key to the everlasting memory it solidified within me. I wasn’t at all self-aware then though. I probably couldn’t pronounce spontaneity. And even though I was easily influenced by others and did have fun doing crazy things in the following years, I never embraced the idea of improvising in my life. I needed a script.
A couple of weeks ago, I quickly grabbed a couple of snacks, some wipes, my new cheap and obnoxious mirror lens sunglasses, and Matilda, and hopped in the car without knowing where we were going. I know…you probably do this like every weekend. But I couldn’t think back to when I had last done it. Kind of made me sad. Anyway, I still live in Concord, NH. And what I love about my geographic location is that all within about one hour away…I can drive North to the White mountains, east to the ocean, or south to the city of Boston. All great options. Matilda asked where we were going. ‘I don’t know Til…we’re just going on an adventure…and we get to choose where we go.’ I told her that I was now leaning toward Portsmouth over on the coast, but then I remembered those fun books I used to read and I told her this is called ‘choose your own adventure…and you get to choose!’ She said she didn’t really want to go to Portsmouth, and wanted to go to Mother and Child, a pretty hip consignment shop in Amherst that her mom had brought her to. So that was it! We found a cool dress for her, played hide and seek in all the clothes, and upset one of the old employees who thought we were being too loud. It wasn’t Foxwoods. It was incredibly fun though. Matilda was able to choose it. And that morning, I never would have guessed that this experience would have been in my future.
don’t try this at home
I noticed a huge change within myself after having a child. Matilda has helped me learn so many great things…one of them being the ability to ’embrace spontaneity’. Children often live in the moment. Not reflecting on previous behaviors. Not planning out the steps to our future. Simply enjoying this moment. They make quick, thoughtless decisions based on passion, desire, love. They often don’t know the consequences of making the wrong choice, choosing the wrong person, wearing the miscalculated dress, or chomping on Nerds candy instead of an organic apple.
Don’t let fear get in the way of being spontaneous. Embrace the risk involved. Acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling, but let yourself be ok there…and remember how much you can learn there. About yourself and others. Go on more ‘choose your own adventures’, let your kid choose their own outfit and then splash in the puddles, jump on the bed with them, and eat lots more Nerds.
could be my favorite pic of all time
music: One of the best guitar players in the world. Prolific writer. Pop, electric, or acoustic. Every album is good…including his new ‘The Search for Everything’. John Mayer. Click here and check this out!
‘good morning to you, fair and gracious daughter’ – Shakespeare
The morning is a part of the day when we’re usually following routines and habits that have been ingrained over a long period of time. When this occurs, we can easily just breeze through tasks, attempting to get up and go quickly. The significance of time and place can go unrecognized, and we can set ourselves on a course that reflects that lack of investment. I think often about ‘investing’ in ourselves as individuals. It can be within our diet or health, experiences we have, or simply by reading. The beginning of the day though, is such a fitting time to invest, as we can set ourselves off on a path filled with great returns.
At the 2014 University of Texas at Austin commencement speech, Admiral William H. McRaven advised students to make their bed upon waking, and to do it well. You can be proud of completing this simple task, and it can be a reflection of the work you do further on throughout your day. Click here for the speech. The make-your-bed advice starts at about 4:40.
I usually can’t make my bed right after waking…because Matilda and my dog Jackson are still sleeping there. But I do appreciate the idea, and I come back a little later in the morning to complete this. It also reveals to me that we are all very different in how we do things at home…so there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ approach to mornings. Some enjoy coffee while others take tea. We can all find our own habits that lead us to a successful day, and employ them upon waking.
Here are some ideas that have been working for me:
You Snooze You Lose – I’ve battle with the snooze button for years, and whenever I press it, I feel guilty, like I’m losing, and that I’m not supposed to be doing it. Instead of smashing that snooze, I turn the alarm off and take a deep, cleansing, mindful breath. It’s like a soft signal to the rest of my body that I’m going to get up now. I also feel and think
she’s totally snoozing!
about appreciation during that breath. I might be considering how fortunate I am to get another day, or cherishing the fact that Matilda and I will somehow grow today, or simply smiling and coveting the first moment that is only mine…this breath is all happiness, all love. Part of my ability to find this happiness, is the fact that I really love my mornings now. So I’m looking forward to getting downstairs and starting with my day. It used to be grumpiness and negativity and why so early and 10 more minutes. It took some searching and practice to get to where I am now, but I’m actually surprised at how making a few small changes has led to such an awesome awakening.
Early Bird Gets the Worm – Wake up earlier. It’s that simple. This is somewhat related to not smashing the snoozer button, but it’s also about just setting an earlier wake time goal. Sleeping a little bit longer and then waking up to rush through tasks mindlessly, leaves you feeling chaotic…and success within whatever you do will be fleeting. It’s similar to driving fast. You’re more stressed, under more pressure, and not being mindful of all of your moves. I’m currently waking at 4:45am, and I’m working toward 4:30am. For a while, I would sleep as long as I possible could, and hope that Matilda would also sleep late…waking when she would get up. But I found that I could rise early, and have about an hour to just invest in myself. I can’t stress enough how beneficial this has been. Waking up early, and feeling that you’re up before most others can give you a sense of accomplishment, regardless of what you actually accomplish. You’re already ahead!
The Elixir of Life – Before you go straight to the coffee pot, hydrate yourself a little. You’re body has gone without food or water since bedtime. Don’t immediately take in coffee, which is a diuretic. Gulp down a half glass of water or so. Similar to the deep breath I take upon waking, I like to think of this bit of water as another signal to my body to start up again…also as a lubricant to all of the systems in the body…or a swell to the river that delivers nutrients throughout. Then I go to the coffee. I make and set up my coffee maker the night before, and have it brew at the same time as my alarm clock will go off. That way, it’s one more sound to help wake me, and I can actually smell the coffee from my bedroom…which is just the best! Sometimes between the water and coffee, I take a shot of what I call the Elixir of Life. A tumbler glass is best for this. Squeeze the juice from half of an organic lemon in. Add a spoon full of honey (from your zip code is best…or from your own bees!). Then add cinnamon. This drink has many benefits. I’m not sure what any of those benefits are, other than the fact that it is ‘invigorating’. By the way, when did you last do something that was truly invigorating?
Breathe – Find some sort of mindfulness or meditation practice that works best for you. I have a large window that faces east…and that faces a large corn field, allowing me to take in a far off horizon. It feels great to sit on the floor near this window, with the sun on my face. Depending on the time of year, and when I actually decide to sit, I can be present during a sunrise. It feels like the sun strengthens me for the day. I haven’t done the research on this either, but I know some that struggle with depression can be prescribed more sun. I think it raises levels of serotonin. Whatever it does, it feels good. I spend 10-15 minutes just focusing on my breath here. I have two analogies for meditation. One, is that it is like doing a cleanse on the mind. It removes cancerous deposits, distractions, junk, filler, useless stuff, and allows all systems to function in harmony. My other analogy is more techy. Meditation is like a disc clean up and defragmentation of the mind. That works right?
Lead and Paper – Write in a journal. There are many methods for this that can be helpful. I’ve been simply writing the date and then a few sentences about how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about. I also use it to wish happiness on someone else for the day (See a previous post here for more on this). You never know…you might be the one I’m wishing for! Then I write down 2 or 3 things I want to get done or focus on that day. I took this from Leo Babauta. He calls them M.I.T’s, or Most Important Tasks. By connecting these M.I.T.’s to goals that you have, you’ll make sure to complete objectives along your journey. Use a real pencil. Find some extraordinary stationary (can those two words go together?). And just write.
Move – Run, do yoga, pushups and situps, cleans and presses, handstands, ride your bike. Find something fun that get’s your juices flowing. When training or exercising in the early morning, a great motivating factor is the feeling that you’ve completed a workout and showered before anyone is even awake. Do it!
Cold – I’ve taken hot hot showers for almost all of my life. From time to time, I would cool it off at the end just a bit. This winter though, I came to love COLD showers. I don’t mean a little cool. I call it 9 o’clocking because my shower control is at it’s absolute coldest when it’s in the 9 o’clock position. If you haven’t tried this…you have to. Shower as you would regularly, but about halfway through, shift your faucet to about half cold – half hot. This will feel pretty cold. But that’s nothing. When you’re all rinsed of soap and conditioner, turn your faucet to the absolute coldest setting. Just commit to it. You’ll thank me later. Put your head directly under the water and start there. Once your head is almost frozen, make sure your entire body gets sprayed with the icy stuff. No joke, the first time I tried this, I laughed out loud uncontrollably. After doing this? You’ll feel like a beast, and that there is nothing you can’t do that day. And…it will be the second invigorating thing you’ll have done before other’s have started their day!
Try some of these and comment on your experience below! And by the way, thanks so much for reading this far!
Music: The band Amber Run put their instruments down for this great collaboration with the London Contemporary Voices choral group. It’s majestic. Click here for it!
time, but it wasn’t until I completely focused and dedicated myself to hours of tailored training, that I came to understand what came from hard work, and how to truly invest in something for myself. At one point, during the start of my college 
jimmythorpe.com 