blog – Page 4

‘a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for’ – William Shedd

Spontaneity. It was 1998. I was a senior in high school, and it was a school night. I was sleeping over my friends house though, and two other guys were staying over too. My host-friend suggests that because his mom is asleep (must have been 9 or 10pm), we should take her car and drive to Foxwoods Casino. We can have the car back before she wakes up, and even make it to school first thing in morning.

I was never spontaneous. I’d say I was nervous, shy, scared of the unknown, and therefore calculated and somewhat structured in my ways. When this journey to Connecticut from Concord, NH was brought up, I probably started asking, ‘well ok, how long does it take to get there? Do we all have enough money? How old do you have to be to enter a Casino…to gamble? What classes do we have in the morning, and what time do we have to be back…exactly? And that means we’ll have to leave Foxwoods to return at blah blah blah. I can see my friend smirking now…and telling me that none of that matters. We’re just going.

Somehow we actually did make it to Foxwoods and started gambling. When we were huddled around my friend at one of the tables as he was doing well, we noticed security guards in nice suits approaching. They split us up and asked us questions. Mostly about our age or birth dates. Then they told my friend to cash out on his winnings, and told us all to get lost. We got home in time to quietly push the car back into my friend’s garage, and sneak into his room as though we’d been there all night. His mom had to know. But she never showed it. We went to school on maybe a half hour of sleep. But the stories and excitement were enough to make that next day, one of the best days of my high school career. Today, as I did that day, I can reflect on the awesome feelings of freedom, bravery, risk, adrenaline, and a sense of brotherly love that this experience created for me.

I wish I figured out then that spontaneity was special. It was part of that experience. It was central to it, and key to the everlasting memory it solidified within me. I wasn’t at all self-aware then though. I probably couldn’t pronounce spontaneity. And even though I was easily influenced by others and did have fun doing crazy things in the following years, I never embraced the idea of improvising in my life. I needed a script.

A couple of weeks ago, I quickly grabbed a couple of snacks, some wipes, my new cheap and obnoxious mirror lens sunglasses, and Matilda, and hopped in the car without knowing where we were going. I know…you probably do this like every weekend. But I couldn’t think back to when I had last done it. Kind of made me sad. Anyway, I still live in Concord, NH. And what I love about my geographic location is that all within about one hour away…I can drive North to the White mountains, east to the ocean, or south to the city of Boston. All great options. Matilda asked where we were going. ‘I don’t know Til…we’re just going on an adventure…and we get to choose where we go.’ I told her that I was now leaning toward Portsmouth over on the coast, but then I remembered those fun books I used to read and I told her this is called ‘choose your own adventure…and you get to choose!’ She said she didn’t really want to go to Portsmouth, and wanted to go to Mother and Child, a pretty hip consignment shop in Amherst that her mom had brought her to. So that was it! We found a cool dress for her, played hide and seek in all the clothes, and upset one of the old employees who thought we were being too loud. It wasn’t Foxwoods. It was incredibly fun though. Matilda was able to choose it. And that morning, I never would have guessed that this experience would have been in my future.

I noticed a huge change within myself after having a child. Matilda has helped me learn so many great things…one of them being the ability to ’embrace spontaneity’. Children often live in the moment. Not reflecting on previous behaviors. Not planning out the steps to our future. Simply enjoying this moment. They make quick, thoughtless decisions based on passion, desire, love. They often don’t know the consequences of making the wrong choice, choosing the wrong person, wearing the miscalculated dress, or chomping on Nerds candy instead of an organic apple.

Don’t let fear get in the way of being spontaneous. Embrace the risk involved. Acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling, but let yourself be ok there…and remember how much you can learn there. About yourself and others. Go on more ‘choose your own adventures’, let your kid choose their own outfit and then splash in the puddles, jump on the bed with them, and eat lots more Nerds.

music: One of the best guitar players in the world. Prolific writer. Pop, electric, or acoustic. Every album is good…including his new ‘The Search for Everything’. John Mayer. Click here and check this out!

originally published on 4/16/17

‘life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage’ – Anais Nin

Jimmy 08.jpg

As the perennials start poking through the soil, and colorful birds return from a warmer place, we are re-introduced to the Spring season. What a wonderful time of year to consider growth. If there’s one thing that makes me feel alive…it’s growing. And I’m thinking about two specific pieces of that: learning and doing. Much of how we grow is based on these two principals, and each are important in their own way.

We are all constantly learning. However, some of us are taking in much more than others. One can learn by simply sitting and thinking. Actually, one can learn by simply sitting and breathing. Sometimes the thinking can get in way of learning. On top of that, we as individuals get to choose what we learn. What have you chosen?

Over this past winter, I think I learned more than in any chunk of time in my life. By using the internet and my library card, I feel that I’ve taken a 4 month intensive course on a huge variety of topics. Because my business is landscaping, I have a lot of time off in the winter. I use much of this time to study some things I’m interested in. It’s allowed me to spend a lot of time doing exactly what I want to do, and follow my passions by taking an extreme focus on my interests. Although, I feel like a bit of a renaissance man in a sense, in that I have such a wide scope of things that intrigue me. Years ago, it seemed like this was a hindrance in life…and that since I was interested in many different ideas, I’d lose focus on the few that I should follow. Jack of all trades, master of none. However, as time has gone on, a couple of threads have persisted and continue to be present in my life. And on top of that, I feel really confident in casting webs in a bunch of other areas. I don’t want to miss out on something incredible because I didn’t try it. If I see something I like, I’m not afraid to dive right in. I’m always motivated to learn about my passions and seek out information through any way possible.

Actually, I prefer the most efficient way possible. Peter Theil (co-founder of PayPal) asks us to question our efficiency by saying, ‘How can you achieve your 10 year plan in the next 6 months?’ I love this idea! It’s not that you can easily complete everything on your list that fast…but it forces you to question what the most efficient way is to your destination. This can easily apply to things like travel, learning a musical instrument, starting a business, buying a house at the ocean, writing a book, etc. You may have to reassess your current routines and structures in order to achieve these things. But that can be a good thing! In fact, I would say that 90% of us would benefit from some sort of radical change in our lives. Are you willing to be ‘radical’ and take on that risk? Think about a part of your life that is so routine…or monotonous. Get out of it now!

Part of what makes it difficult is that we are trained to do what everyone else is doing. We are taught to melt ourselves down to a common denominator in order to neatly fit the mold that society has created for us. Once we are molded, we’re put on a track. Boys take a left, girls go right, black this way, white that way, gay over here, straight over there, religious down that ramp, agnostic up that ramp, college bound with that crew, others this way. Last week I wrote about how we think (Click here for the post), and touched on how I’ve fallen into a ‘normal’ that just didn’t feel good, but it seemed that everyone else was mostly doing the same. Life is waaaaaay too short for that type of thinking. We get such a small amount of time here. Spend it learning about the things you love!

Now, the other important piece of this is…doing. I was discussing this with a friend the other day, and he advised to not just get caught up in the learning portion of things. You can’t just keep watching and learning what others do. You have to implement it into your own life! If you’ve been meaning to start a blog but haven’t, stop reading so many others, and just get to creating your own. Want to start your own business, and you’ve been reading and researching and watching others succeed? Scale your idea down and start the process this week! Been wanting to learn Spanish for the past 5 years? Spend 10 minutes tomorrow beginning the process and creating an outline for yourself. Don’t let anything seem daunting or intimidating. Remember that once you decide on something…you’ll just put one foot in front of the other, and things will naturally start falling into place. In the words of Emerson, ‘Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.’

Here is a list how I’ve grown in the past couple of years…things I’ve learned about, or done. Hopefully it will help inspire you to try something new!

quit job
started landscaping business
kept bees – harvested honey
learned guitar
learned singing/voice
learned how to keep chickens
learned organic vegetable gardening – created garden site
snowboarding – finally cleared a big jump in the terrain park (I’ve been scared to try)
won a bunch of men’s league basketball championships
took up road bicycling – competed in race
took down walls in house – reconfigured stairway
started a blog
started a basketball training business
began meditating daily – practicing mindfulness
learned a lot about parenting – still an amateur
started writing a daily journal entry
brought Matilda to Disney World
created a new website
started a podcast
began writing on Medium.com (a community of thinker, writers, readers)
started indoor rock climbing
began an ‘advanced athlete weight training’ program

Now, along with doing a lot of these things…I failed a bunch a long the way. My bank accounts have been extremely low at times. I’ve fallen and hurt myself a bunch on snowboard jumps (only to have teenagers laugh at me). I’ve lost some basketball games, and found injuries there too. In my first bike race, I was destroyed by most of the other riders. I’ve been stung by my bees!

It’s not necessarily an easy road to follow the path that you’ve chosen, and that you’ve just learned. In fact, it’s probably more difficult. I’ve found that in life…the right decision is the one that’s more difficult. The easy way is the regrettable way. This is so true for everything from relationships to work. So why choose the hard way? Because it means you’re living a more passionate lifestyle, which will build your health and happiness…and that of those around you. Because it’s a life that you’ll want to tell your kids about. Because it’s different, and it’s what probably about 1% of people do. Because it’s fun!

If you need a couple ‘doers’ for inspiration…check out Tim Ferriss and/or Casey Neistat. These guys get cool stuff done, and are very inspiring to listen to or watch.

What is your potential in all of the areas of life? Are you learning about and doing the things you want to do?

I’m not living to my full potential in many areas. However, I try to be fully aware of that…and work hard to close the gaps.

I have a long list of things I want to try, places I want to go, and ways I want to grow. And as I check one off, I notice a few more have been added to my list.

Good luck with your list, and I wish you the best! Share your experience here if you’d like.

Music: In lieu of the brothers in the band Dawes, that I recommended on the last post…another pair of brothers that know how to play are The Avett Brothers. Check them out here!

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Tag: blog

gamble on a school night

grow up